mixed day - harriet's birthday

Dear Blog Was ok earlier - really ok. After all the upset.

He had a bath and opened my door and I was talking to Sarah on the phone. She makes me feel strong! he asked when harriet was coming home and I said me might as well go now! How rude of me...

Anyway me and georgia pottered about - went to town to get the last few birthday bits for harriet and when we got back he as there talking to oliver and he had cut the grass! although the conversation he had with oliver was all about him going and oliver can see him whenever he wants (oliver is 22)

we had a bit of row - i just can't control it. he wants to do a deal £35,000 and no pension or anything - and CM of £225 a month until georgia finishes education. Is this good? £35,000 is less than 30% equity don't know whether to grab it or not?

May come off worse and wish I had gone with that.

Him being at home unnerved me.... upset me for harriet coming home. he asked georgia to go out with him, she went for about an hour and for all intents and purposes i think spent the whole time crying .... he told her we didn't get on ever, she is really upset by this.

i phoned him and he asked 'what do you want?' bloody hell, he is so in control all the time.  i said georgia was upset and why did he say that to her? I should of just bit my lip - not rang and then to make it worse i text him

"You was all I wanted for 20 yrs. i have never looked at another man and you was very loved by me. you was all i ever wanted. you havebroken my heart. i still don't understand what was so bad so hard to tell geo whey we could work it out. she wants her life back so do i but you want another life"

how stupid of me - i know he doesn't want me and prob deleted it instantly why do i do it? Let him stay in control. the thing kis he doesn't want me -

still waiting for its a huge mistake. i'm sorry.  Oliver said that the marriage was over long ago and he should of left years ago, and not to focus on the affair because that was after the marriage was dead!

Feel low - how can I carry on ?  Bloody work tomorrow fortunately my boss is out!

A week to mediation...

Harriet will be here in 2 and half hours - concentrate on cheering myself up for that!

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Harriet arrived - it was great.  Mum and Dad came - had a couple of tearful episodes (in the kitchen and in the car on the way to Pizza Hut)

My mum even said to me - watch out for Peter - trying to take Georgia away - he'll want the CM and tax credits/child benefits etc.  Bloody hell - mother you are supposed to be supporting me not telling me about the worse case scenario and beware the other side trying to take my most beloved daughter!!

Mum has spent rest of night trying to make up for her comment!

Bed with eldest daughter and her partner, son and his partner, and me and geo!

A full house - but no husband- strange times.