Trying to let go and move on

We lived together 3 years, bought a nice house and got married. We didnt have children as i couldn't stay pregnant for long, always miscarried around 8 weeks! Hubby had 4 kids from 1st marriage and we all got on pretty well, they stayed with us some weekends & on holidays, they lived away so contact wasnt constant.

I thought we happy together on the whole, despite his problems with alcohol & pill addiction (codeine dependency).

I encouraged him to leave his employmennt at sea & pursue a new career through college. I supported him for 3 long years until he graduated with full honours, i was so proud of him that day!

Our life was going to get better, he had even stopped drinking & attended A.A. He looked for a decent job locally & then found one advising in an office, i was thrilled for him, our lives were going to change for the better, 13 years of money shortage had taken its toll & i looked forward to us both working & having a more comfortable life.

Three months after he started work he told me he wasn't happy with me anymore. I had noticed his mood swings, had tried hard to cheer him up, thought it was just a recurrence of the depression he had suffered all of his life! He started picking arguments, i could do nothing right anymore.

Then he picked up the drink, 3 years sober & there he was with a litre bottle of vodka, swigging it down like there was no tomorrow! He started a fight & i ended up in hospital with severe bruising to my face, arms & back. He was arrested & locked up for 3 weeks, awaiting sentence for assault & battery, his job was on the line, he begged my forgiveness & promised to never drink or hurt me again.

I went to court & begged his release, admitting i was in danger but was prepared to take a chance. He got probation & went back to work. Four weeks later he was moody again, he said he still wasn't happy, i told him i wanted to move out until he sorted himself out.

The constant pill-popping every day was to blame for his mood swings, i knew that, i thought that if i left after 14 years together it would make him see sense & seek help.

He remortgaged our home & worked out that i needed around 17.000 to pay deposit on a rented house & furnish it all, he asked me to take nothing from the marital home as he wanted me to come back in 6 months when he had sorted his pill addiction out. I moved out the next weekend & was busy decorating & furnishing my new home for the next 3 months. I realised i didn't want to go back to him, i was better on my own without his constant mood swings & insomnia that also kept me awake every night!

We kept in daily contact, him visiting me a couple of times a week & me visiting him at the marital home. We always told each other we were still in love but both needed time to work out if we should live together again. He admitted he needed to get off the pills before we could make it work but he did nothing to try to stop.

Every day he came to me from work and had a cooked dinner with me. Every Friday night he slept at my house, we talked, watched dvds together, shared our troubles & joys, we seemed to be getting on better than ever before! His pill consumption decreased a little & i thought he was making progress at last! We talked of selling the MH and buying a better one, deciding which furniture from the two houses we should take wth us etc.

My father fell gravely ill, i was his main carer, it was hard to watch him suffer & deteriorate as i loved & respected my dad so much! My hubby was really supportive at this time & helped me to care for him every evening after work. Hubby was best mates with my younger brother, had been before we even met, and they were seen together constantly. 16 days before my dad died my brother died suddenly around the corner from my house, fatal heart attack, no warning, no previous illness. I was devastated, my mother was inconsolable so i moved her in with me for a few weeks. I continued to care  for my dad, arrange brothers funeral, look after mum & look after hubby too, cooking daily for us all, trying to stay strong because everyone else had fallen to pieces!

We cremated my brother 11 days after he died. Dad died 3 days later. I had another funeral to arrange, i was exhausted & grieving badly for them both. Mother was a complete & utter wreck & kept me awake night after night with panic attacks, visions of ghosts & constantly crying.

Christmas came & i was the one that cooked the full family dinner that mother always liked to do, there were 16 of us in all with my sisters 6 kids! Hubby was there, stayed overnight Xmas eve, xmas night & Boxing night. We had a good time considering what we had been through a few months before.

Mother went home after new years day, i needed some space & time to grieve myself. I saw her daily but needed my house back to myself. I was depressed & really tired but tried to carry on as normal, hubby was there every evening to support me & keep me going, i knew i would get better soon, i always did, no matter what life threw at me!

April 30th i got a text from my hubby at work, it said. 'I'm sorry, i just don't want to argue with you love, are you home yet? I will call & see you after work.'

He had rung me just a few minutes before, we hadnt been arguing, i knew the text wasnt meant for me! I questioned it, he admitted it was for someone else but wouldnt say who. I got suspicious & kept reading the text, love? Didnt want to argue? See you after work?

He always arrived at my house at 4.45pm. I knew if he was seeing another woman he would have to leave work early & fit her in before coming to mine. So i rang his work & spoke to his boss, asking if he was there? She said no, he had left at 3.30pm. Thats when i knew in my heart he was having an affair. He strongly denied it!

After that i noticed he was sending & receiving lots of text messages in front of me, god only knows how many behind my back! His mobile phone was costing him £70 a month!!! It was usually just £10. Then the works dinner parties began on Saturday nights, always someones birthday or promotion, i didnt want to believe he was taking a woman out, i never questioned it, i couldn't cope with what i found out!

A few months later he didnt turn up for Sunday dinner at the usual time, he text saying he would be there 2 hours later. Thats when i flipped! I accused him of his affair, he denied it again, said he was with his son all day. I rang his son, he was at home & hadnt seen his father all day! Later that day he text me & admitted seeing another woan. His text read: 'She's 37, i don't love her, she's just a distraction for when i'm alone...'

Thats when i decided to cut all ties & contact with him. I had been through enough, i couldnt take anymore. I started divorce proceedings & sunk into a deep depression.

Just before xmas he begged my forgiveness & i stupidly took him back, dropped the divorce & spent xmas with him. He assured me daily that all contact with the woman had stopped, i believed him.

In April i discovered he was still seeing her on a daily basis, had never cut ties at all, she had thought he had gone away for xmas to see his daughter.....i saw my solicitor, filed for divorce & joined Wikki.... you know the rest of my story....

Will update when i'm ready, but many of you already know my situation & how my stbx stil tries to win me back, still lies & says his affair is over! 18 months on & he still sees her, i know as people tell me he is seen driving her around to Asda with her kids....