Mediation

Rang the mediation people to book first appointment - she asked if we wanted single appointments or a joint one - I gave her Peter's mobile and she rang him - she rang me back to say he had requested a single meeting - and gave me my appointment - I cried and she said it would be ok - not a good start to Monday morning.  Then followed:

Messages from peter:     Got a call from mediation 10am on the 6^th Oct

Message from me:         mine is 11.30 on the same day

Message from peter:      I must be really stupid I thought we went 2 the same meeting. U can tell your friends how naïve I am in so many of lifes simple things

Message from me:         your not. This is very hard we are used to doing things tog. I wanted us to go tog but lady said you req single appt. I have to accept I don't have you to do things with any more.

Message from peter:      Never asked 4 single appt she had already spoke 2 u before me, picked up docs and been told financial mediation does not work but I will go and listen. The wording in the petition (neglect abuse etc) puts me open 2 abuse which yr solicitor knows, want u & Georgia, oliver 2 stay in house.nice people solicitors

Message from me:         I told you I didn't want this.

message from me:          I gave yr no. for her to book she rang back to say u had single appt and offered me that appt. they don't see the petition they just deal with     our money and divide as fairly as poss. No future to look forward to I have given up you will be ok.

It's crap - I feel crap - I don't know why I am having to go through this - and Georgia.  Bloody hell if this what happens when you pick someone to spend your life with .....  I think about the people in the war - working together to just get through life, people in countries now where wars are raging, floods etc - they are just surviving every day - not out looking for someone to shag..... although I don't think this OW is just a shag for Peter - I think he connected with her on a mental level (Gemini!!) I think she listened to him and told him he was wonderful etc etc and of course who wouldn't love that - I would love that.... He could of told me I was wonderful cooking, washing cleaning for 20 years,  I changed the bed linen every week for 20 years - not once has he done this.  Not once has he changed any of the childrens bed or ...... well that's in the past not worth thinking about.  I have spent years of my life sat here whilst he has been out living his life - what a fool!

So feeling crap I needed to do as little as possible. Came home from work as Georgia has tonsilitis we sat and watched Loose Women (from the V+) and at 3 o'clock he came in and was a bit chatty! I wasn't up to talking

Went to my mums, went to little Tescos (that is good all the women are thoroughly supportive of me - god how come all the women know my life? My friend works in there and they all think I am lovely - and know me and peter so know whats happened) got some food, went home to cook - at 8 just dishing up and peter comes in.  Georgia is standing on a chair looking in the welsh dresser at the beatrix potter figurines - in her hand is tom kitten with butterfly (cost me £145!) so she better not bang it into one of the other ones and chip it!

peter says the dinner smells nice so i offer him so and he is pleased but only if there is enough for me - i go into the kitchen to sort dinner but i hear him saying to georgia which beatrix potter is in my hand? its mum's favourite one and I know he is holding susan the white cat!!

Dish up dinner - give him the best meat, best veg and go without - i have roast chicken and salad whilst he has chicken potatoes broccolli cauliflower, york.pudd and gravy with georgia.  He says its nice.  In the mean time he has put the cd player on - and one of the songs is Everything I do - (Robin Hood/Bryan Adams) - and then proceeds to tell georgia all about that time in our lifes and how happy we were ....

I start washing up he comes to help - the music turns to Unbreak my Heart (don't know who by...) I turn it off, finish the washing up and leave him to finish the drying up.

I sat in the garden with my drink and candles - a bad habit now it is getting cold and he asks me to come in ... georgia tells him its what i do every night but he doesn't know because he isn't usually here.

Came in rang Andy - he must think I am right misery - but I am not.  He is down too - ex wife stress - a right pair we are!

Went downstairs to get a drink and he is asleep on the settee work uniform on, tv on - looks serene - yes I bet he is - he has no worries.

Bed with my Georgia - got to get out of this ....