|
Sep 23
2008
|
SleepPosted by Rani4 in feeling sad and alone, feeling down, dealing with emotions |
 |
I can't sleep
I try. I go up and come down. I do some work, a load of laundry here, work on an article there. Then go up again. Still can't sleep.
I go up once more, kiss the kids in their sleep, once more, and try to sleep. Still can't sleep, so I come down again, and go out into the garden... I pace up and down, right to left, come in and try to sleep, but still can't sleep.
Finally I decide this is it. I must rest. I must lie down. I have to be up early to get the children to school and to work. So I lie in bed, and start reciting my positive mantra. I think to myself ‘don't think negative thoughts, don't bring up bad memories, think of the good things'.. but all thoughts lead to the bad things - the hurt, the betrayal, the loss, the concerns...everything
Just before I doze off I notice dawn has broken.
Yet another sleepless night
Comments (3)
Show/Hide comments
IKNOWNOW
said:
| September 23, 2008 | ||
 |
Rani, Lack of sleep is a place we all have been I am sure, but hardly sleeping at all is not good for you. If this continues you won't be able to function as a person, your concentration will be poor and you will start making mistakes. Everything becomes 10 times worse when you haven't slept. You become so much more emotional. You need to try something natural, such as lavender oil, warm milk, soothing bath, or a herbal sleeping tablet such as "Nytol". You may say you have tried these to no avail. Another thing you need to do is make your evenings relaxing after a certain time. Stop doing paperwork, reading or writing articles. You need to clear your mind. Maybe a relaxation CD on when you are settling down for the night. I found listening to my mp3 player with some tunes on that make me feel calm and relaxed help me drift off to sleep. You need to find your own happy place Rani even if it is only so you can get to sleep. Lack of sleep does catch up with you, believe me, I am there now. I have found my happy place and just in time I think. Every night going to bed between 2am & 4am is unsustainable when you have children to care for. You may need to talk to your GP if you still find sleeping is hard. (((((hugs))))) Take care Rani xx Sarah xx |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Rani4
said:
| September 23, 2008 | ||
 |
Good morning Dear Sarah I did not expect a reply to this. So thanks so much for your concern. I have not been in chat lately. I am trying to sort this out. I blogged to get it out of my system I was so much happier before the summer break. You know my decision to divorce came around a year ago. But it was only before the summer break that I started feeling really good about myself and my life, and began to live my life without him. I wasn't 'happy' but I was comfortable. After the summer he came back into my life. I thought because he was scared of the divorce and did not want to let go. It never occurred to me that he had any feelings for me whatsoever. If anything, it felt as if he hated me. But he started coming to see me and wanting to 'talk'. He hugs and kisses and says he only agreed to stay away to give me space, and was waiting for me to 'calm down' so he can approach me. He was doing all the right things with regards to the kids and the house. I want to be loved Sarah. Doesn't every one need to be loved. I sleep alone. The kids come into my bed and I can't say no. I end up sleeping with the children spread across and around me. I look at them and wonder what their future holds. And I look at myself and wonder..don't I deserve to have a loving man beside me. I know there won't be someone else to share my life and my love. But I also know he won't be beside me either. The problem is, dearest Sarah, I don't trust him. I have decided to declare a truce (but haven't told him) for the time being. I will not speak of divorce. I will play happy families (within reason) but I will not let him get too close or too familiar - I just can't. I lay awake at night thinking; this is how we used to be. he's a charming intelligent man, and I loved him and enjoyed his company, and we had a lovely home and family. but he betrayed me. he broke my heart. and lost my trust. I wake up thinking; when and how will he hurt me again. and in between sleeping and waking there are the terrible strangling nightmares. |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
polar
said:
| September 23, 2008 | ||
|
Ask your doctor for some Tamazipam. What most docs wont tell you is that you should take them as you put your head on the pillow and they act for 8 hours. When I take them the effect is almost exactly 8 hours but at least I get some sleep . Ive reduced my dosage gradually as they are adictive. But at least I get some sleep. !! take care Polar | |
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Write comment
Show/Hide comment formYou must be logged in to a comment. Please register if you do not have an account yet.
