|
Sep 23
2008
|
 |
Its been a while since I've written. My wife left last Thursday. I helped her to move her belongings in to storage. The night before she left, we actually went out to a movie. (I knew her plans to go.) But on the way home she expressed a desire to remain friends keeping in contact with each other. I was not and still not comfortable with the dual nature of separation and friendship.
On the week end, we contacted by email. I expressed my feelings saying that if she wanted me out of her life, then she needed to make a clean break and not look back. That has come back to hurt. Since then the only contact we've had is a email or text message indicating lawyers will be contacting me or 'have you got the insurance for my stuff in storage'.
We've tidied up the expenses, got a mortgage to clear debts and now have the house up for sale. Since she has taken a lot of the furniture, the house is emotionally cold. Other than our dogs, there is not really a reason to come home at all.
I believe now that divorce is inevitable. I didn't want it to happen. But I can't stop this snowball from rolling down the hill. Its' very different now living the separation than it was just talking about it. I mourn this. Even though I am in the doctor's care for depression, I still weep as I've never weeped before in my life.
Its like your best friend dies each day with no relief in sight. It just keeps coming. How do you survive it? I've read a number of blogs here, and yes you do survive. At this point, I don't see the tunnel light. How long can I expect to feel this way?
I have a 20 year old daughter in University. She has been very close to my wife really best of friends. I on the otherhand kept a little more standoffish as I always thought dads should if they were the disciplinarians. But recently, my daughter has made efforts to tell me that she loves me. That fact has been very uplifting. She has given me a reason to survive.
I guess I need to focus on her, rather than my own woes.
Show/Hide comments
FrankieLee
said:
| September 23, 2008 | ||
 |
It's never going to be easy, but the pain does numb, I promise. When my husband first left me I thought the agony of losing him would never go away, that I was doomed to a half life. I'd lost my husband, my best friend, the person I considered my soul mate. It's now been six months, and although I still have low moments they're becoming shorter and longer apart. I'll have a quick cry, mentally pull myself together and move on with my day. I miss him, but it's becoming less and less. You'll get there. Right now it seems like life will never be happy again, but it will. Hang on in there and if you ever need a chat just message me. |
|
| Votes: +1 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
mike62
said:
| September 23, 2008 | ||
 |
downhillfast, It is like a bereavement. You have to mourn the passing of the relationship and you have to grieve. It is perfectly natural to be feeling the way you are. Doesn't make it feel any better in the short term, but as you rightly point out, you have to look to your new priorities in life. Replace the standoffishness with a new openness. You have an adult friend in your daughter who wants to bond more closely with you. Do some fun things with her. Just for fun's sake. If the house gets you down, don't stay in. Go try something new. I know that isn't what you feel like doing. But it is important to open your eyes to the wealth of opportunity there is out there. We become coccooned in marriage. Think of yourself as a butterfly, emerging into a bright new world. You need to find YOU again before you can be happy. But you do have to grieve for what has been. Take care and keep posting, Mike |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
downhillfast
said:
| September 24, 2008 | ||
 |
Thanks for the comments....I would like to get out of the house, you're correct there are too many memories here. But until it sells, I can ill afford to keep up 2 residences. So, I'll just have to tough it out. | |
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
downhillfast
said:
| October 06, 2008 | ||
|
Again it has been a while since I've logged on. My wife came back and stayed with her mother (who lives nearby). But her plans are now to move 1/2 way across the country (2500 km) which will make communication difficult. I am going to the lawyer on Thursday to finally sign our separation agreement. I'm having a hard time dealing with her seemingly cold relationship. I still have not come to acceptance. While I would like to foster a closer relationship with my daughter, she is 550 km away at university and involve with a young man there. So her time, and the distance make it very difficult....although we do talk nearly every day by phone. I've been reading a number of blogs, and I can see that others have made it though these situations, but I can't see myself there yet. I think it's a sorry life to live worrying about finances, work, relations, weeping etc....right now its all on the low side. |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
scousegirl
said:
| October 06, 2008 | ||
 |
Sorry to hear you're feeling low. It feels like walking through treacle sometimes, doesnt it. Its difficult to know how to go about building a new life. One day at a time I suppose. I'm learning to be aware of opportunities and accept any invitations. And to be honest with people -if you tell people you're fine they wont know you need support of friendship. Things will get better -or so they say | |
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Show/Hide comment form
