Starting to feel a bit more positive

Thought I should write because I haven't for a wee while and quite a lot has happened.

 Ex dropped the kids off last Sunday (14th) and said nothing.  Monday morning got a letter from his solicitor to say that he was going on holiday on the 18th (our wedding anniversary) and would not be seeing the kids for the next three weekends.  Was slightly annoyed at the last minute notice as I work every weekend and I had to quickly arrange childcare for the children.  Text him and asked him if he has explained to our daughter that he wouldn't be seeing her for so long and he said he had.  She said daddy told her he would see her on Sunday.  I told him this and it ended up in an argument.  I have no objection to him going on holiday but I do object to him messing the kids around when something better comes along in his life.  I just feel that they get settled into a routine of seeing him every weekend then something better comes up in his life and they get dropped.  Sometimes I wonder if they would be better off without him in their lives.  His tart is due her baby in March and no doubt once it comes along my two will be pushed to the side more and more.

 He texts me through the week to tell me that he just wants and easy life and the kids will meet his girlfriend for the first time as soon as they are back from holiday.  I have told him thats fine but in my opinion the kids aren't ready as they are still unsettled and my daughter still thinks he is coming home.  They settle into a routine of seeing their dad regularly then it stops for weeks on end and they are unsettled again. 

 Thursday morning I get a phone call from my daughter's nursery there is a problem and they would like to see me.  I get their to find my daughter hysterical because of the situation with her father.  Nursery are very concerned and I have to bring her home.  I text her dad to let him know there was a problem and he told me to "Go f**k myself".  What a charmer eh?  I can't believe I ever married him.  As a result of all of this my wedding anniversary passed on Thursday without me even giving it a second thought, I am glad about this aswell.

 I think I may be entering the hatred stage.  I know now that even if I was offered a couple of million quid to take him back I couldn't.  He is not the person that I knew and loved.  I think part of me will always love him because he is the father of my children but I know now that I am no longer in love with him.  The nastier he gets the more I realise that my life and my children are better off without him around.  The kids are happier and more content when he doesn't bother to see them and I am not constantly dreading the next weekend arriving. 

Anyway sorry if all this is a bit of a rant but I needed to get it off my chest.  I also just wanted to let everyone know that I am having a nice time being on my own, I have my own money, I have a job I love and I am getting out there and meeting new people which is something I didn't think I would be able to do a couple of months ago.  I know there are people out there that aren't feeling so great just now and that don't believe people when they say it will get better but believe me it does.  I wouldn't say it gets easier but it does get better.

Speak soonxxxxxxx