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Sep 18
2008
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Had bad few days with my boys. The younger one is becoming more and more rebellious. Goes to school late on purpose, says he would prefer to drop off the school rather than go to college ( he is in a selective school where he took several very hard exams to get into), he wants to stop to play his musical instrument, he comes home late when I ask him to come at certain time...
I am so angry with his father for hurting my children by leaving us for another woman. They lost their feeling stability and security that children get from knowing that their parents are there for each other and for them. Those selfish people who decide to pursue their own pleasure justify that behaviour that children can cope with everything - how cruel is this!!! Yes, children will survive everything, but in the process of it they will end up hurt, corrupt and disillusioned.
I feel my sons lost motivation to do their best for themselves. I am so angry that their father left me here to pick up the pieces of his unreasonable behaviour. How can she live with her conscience - she is a mother of 2 boys too, although her sons are adults already. How is she coping with the fact that she caused me becoming a single parent having no support from their father. He is aware that he is an impotent father, how can he advise them or demand anything from them, knowing what an immoral, selfish and lying scumbag he is. How can they take him seriously!
He still thinks we could be friends, he clearly has no idea how much I hate him. I think he imagines that he will have 2 homes, one with his sex partner and one with us, his family. It is unbelievable. Only an emotional ignorant would come up with such a plan.
I don't want to see him, hear him or hear from him.
At least he accepts that the life of the three of us - myself and my boys is very hard now but it does not make me hate him less.
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findingmyself
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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hi petrof So there are least 2 emotional ignorants out there. Could have written your blog myself ! When I think of the pain and anger I am feeling, given that I am extricating myself from as much contact as I can to survive, and then I imagine how it might feel for my boys who need and want to keep contact going! How hard must that be! My boys are going through a similar period right now. I am trying so hard to ensure they know it is ok to show their anger and hurt, and I will always be there as their rock but they are taking some convincing. My youngest summed it up yesterday when he said "If you can't do it, I'm stuffed!" We believe in our children and can find extraordinary strength to keep going for them. They are on a rollercoaster too...and that means, like us, they will get off one day! finding xx |
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marriaa
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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hi, I do understand what you feel. your son is pushing the boundary which they normally do even if both parents are together,I am sure he will eventually settle and will catch up on his educations. Do not let your anger eat away at your happiness. They deserve each other. It will not be long before she will be the victim of his infidelity |
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Jollyrocket
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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Hi Petrof so sorry for your hurt. I said to my husband when he was leaving - we agreed he would go but discoverd him talking to other woman night he told kids (7 and 9 at the time) - said nothing happend but she made him smile and he only talked to her about his problems - what utter cr@p! funny wish he had talked to me. I said - I hope she is worth your childrens tears and disallusionment (spelt wrong) I am not sure how old your children are but sound a bit older, do they have someone to talk to? I am sure they will get better but I agree with you that their lives will not be the same. Mine will have their lives defined by their selfish father, but I am trying to keep routine the same and le him see them lots (I hate him but they shouldn't) Its 6 months now and they have their moments (lots) and are clingy - my eldest has been more stroppy - but that I think is surpressed anger/frustration and fellings of being unable to influence what was sure and safe. I am trying to make them "safe" good luck and hope it gets better soon. Again this will depend on their ages but i asked close mums that know them to let me know how they are when I am not there and it has helped to know they are fine elsewhere ((hug)) |
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mrsnomore
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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I keep thinking my 11 year olds 'strops' and answering back are all to do with our divorce but as she reminded me 'mum, I am growing up, this is what happens' All too often I put it all down to the divorce (which of course is a big factor) but I also forget that this will be played out of we were still together to a certain extent. On the postive side (and there is one) at least you are at the stronger hate stage, its there for a reason, to give you the strength to get through this for you and your children. Unfortunately they do not think about the implications of their actions and your husband could be making long term damage to the relationship with his sons, which he will probably rue for a long long time. No help and no-one wins. Its a poo time and feel for you x |
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crazylady
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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All you can do is reassure your kids that you love them and will always be there for them.I spoke to the teachers/ head of year at school and asked to be informed of any schoolwork/behavioural problems that mey result from the divorce.(so far non). The kids have all displayed some form of emotional upset by whats happened. You have to deal with it,(sometimes by not making an issue of it) in the best way you can at the time. Its hard being a single parent but having one good parent is enough. Keep strong. Love CL xx |
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