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Sep 18
2008
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Alone.Posted by Iwillbeok in feeling sad and alone, feeling down, dealing with emotions |
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Hi.
Just wish I could stop feeling so down! I really do seem to take 2 steps forward & 1 step back (if not 2!).
The sun is shining, I've had the day off work, I've kept myself busy, treated myself to a haircut (which I really couldn't afford- not sure I like it yet either- oops), yet I've been walking around like a zombie with tears in my eyes. At the salon where I go to have my hair cut, they give everybody a head massage whilst washing their hair. This simple act of touch left me on the verge of tears. It made me realise how much I miss that tender kind of contact. A massage would definitely be out of the question - I'd be a blubbering wreck (although maybe that's exactly what I need!).I just feel so sad! I don't want to go to my GP- I am having ongoing counselling & I am told that it is good that I am allowing myself to feel rather than numb or distract, so I guess I will just have to trust this process I am going through to help me get to a place in my head where I feel strong & content.
They are still there- the stalkers in my mind- my stbx & her. It is not a conscious choice to think about them- they just drift in & out of my awareness. I guess this is all part of the grief I'm experiencing. I have found myself composing letters to him in my head today - Letters which I will possibly write & probably never send. Writing therapy, I suppose. There is so much I want him to know, but the reality is that he has moved on, isn't interested & just wants me to get over it. So if I write them, they have to be for me & me alone.
Alone. That word says it all. I feel very alone at the moment which is why I am so grateful to have Wiki to share things with. Driving back home today, I realised that I didn't want to go home, that I wanted to be with people, to have a cuppa & a smile, so I pulled over & made some phone calls. Everybody was busy. So I ended up here on my own again.
I've just read the above- I sound so miserable! Please believe me when I say that, prior to my stbx telling me he didn't love me, I was a really happy, bubbly person, & not this whinging, whining woman who I appear to be at the moment. I'm quite nice really. Honest!
Sorry to go on but so needed to get this out.
Thank you for putting up with my moans.
Iwillbeok x
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fish6
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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hi iwill,, you sound so sad hun and have read many similar blogs and even written the same sort of stuff in the past !! things will get better i know you dont think so but they will ! even after 6 months i go through extremes of emotions and the loneliness is horrible but im getting their with the support of wiki mates !! hang on and stick wiv wiki their are some wonderful people here take care .........kev (fish6) |
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findingmyself
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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iwillbeok Remember you are not on your own! Its really disappointing when all your friends have other things on...I can relate to that! I hate to feel I am taking family time from my friends because I put such value on it now. Don't discount the massage. I had one the week before I saw a solicitor...blubbered the whole time but there was a short time afterwards when I felt such deep peace...still recall the feeling even though it was 5 m ago. Had one since, somewhat less memorable but still worth it. It is so good to have someone touch you, because no-one does now, unless you count reluctant hugs from the kids. fm xx |
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marriaa
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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will it takes time to get over this horrible things.You think you are over the other side and then you have a little slide,remind me of snake and ladders,we will eventually get to the top but how long will it take ,who knows.everyone is different,luck of the dice I am afraid |
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tinkalink
said:
| September 19, 2008 | ||
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I understand you completely! Especially the last bit about wanting to reassure everyone you're not really a miserable person! lol It's funny, I was the one to leave my marriage but you still go through a grieving process. I almost feel guilty for being miserable now though! I think we all just need to not expect to get over it so quickly. I moved out 4 months ago and am still struggling terribly with the loneliness bit. I know it will eventually end though  |
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