Vultures and A Corner Turned

 A strange day, yesterday, but I think it ended on a positive. Following the too-ing and fro-ing of the previous day my ex2b called me asking for a lift from her GP's. Like a sap I went and got her, though I must admit I just sat down for 5 minutes until I had felt I had asserted my independence enough! It's weird that I still feel sorry for her even if this turns out to be an illness stemming from her own infidelity. Anyway she was going on later to the hospital, she said, but I didn't offer to take her. She needs to get used to me not being around so much in her life for her sake as well as mine.

 She invited me back later to discuss divorce options. She no longer wanted me to bring the divorce, which was why we were waiting for a legal pack, and she had got a solicitor's appointment that evening; she felt she could just about get away with "Unreasonable Behaviour" as grounds if I don't contest it.

 It is quite astonishing to me that I had to explain to her that if she wants something from me, she has to give something back! I felt like quoting that scene from LA Confidential: " Reciprocity is the basis of all relationships." I explained I would only not contest it if she gave me a clean break for an agreed sum. She was thinking of £25K. I said no, that the sum of £15K we agreed yesterday was more than generous. She replied she would talk it over with her solicitor. I said this was fine, but if I had any more abusive or threatening phone calls from her brother I would rethink my offer and contest her case. I was toying with the idea of insisting that he post me a written apology before I would consent to anything, but on reflection I know that she has no influence over him and he would happily see her poorer than have to admit his mistake. Brotherly love!

 She asked me what he had said and I explained, doing a pretty good impression of him trying to put on a deep and threatening tone. I said " what was he thinking of, had he been drinking?" at which point her mum who had been wandering about pretending to tidy turned on me saying that he hadn't been drinking, he just thought she was getting "a raw deal". She went on again about the flat, which neither of us own or have any real claim over from the council as far as I can tell. When I answered her point she ran off upstairs, the coward.

 I was so incensed that she would run away having caused so much trouble and at the injustice of the whole situation because of these mercenary vultures that I stood at the foot at the stairs, shouting up about how ungrateful she was for all the support I had given her when she was drinking, all the support I had given her daughter with her illness, etc. She didn't answer and my ex was really concerned, never having seen me like this before; she managed to usher me out and pacify me a bit, saying "it's just between you and me. I'll only ask for 15 grand. It's my divorce not theirs." I said that she will just keep on at you until you change your mind again and left shouting that they were a bunch of "sick, despicable vultures." I never dreamed that divorce would turn me into the sort of person who shouts things in the street.

  Later, she phoned me really tearful, worried about a scan she has tomorrow. I helped her calm herself down and she felt a little better. She then explained that the solicitor told her I had made a "very generous offer"  at £15K and that it was at the high end of what he might have got. Apparently her mother had blustered on about the council flat again, but he more or less ignored her. They paid him 60 quid for this repeat of my advice, though she has applied for 3 hours legal aid for the next phase, the petition. He also told her she needs to come up with 5 examples of my unreasonableness. So we discussed what I would accept.

 This was harder than I thought because I feel I want to rebutt them, which I could do so easily, but then we can't proceed. It would have been easier for me to accept sueing her for unreasonable behaviour or adultery, but she reckoned he said I could not prove adultery. I said I could name a co-respondent, but she said naming someone isn't proof and I won't agree to adultery grounds. I went on that, in any case, I had better examples of unreasonableness on her side but that wasn't getting us anywhere.

 So far she had; that I was "tight", that we didn't sleep in the same bed (hardly my fault!) and that I was "moody" (which is true, especially when being divorced.) That was it! I suggested that I snore, but I wonder if that's negated by the fact that we don't sleep together anyway? Tight I found particularly hard to take, but if I insisted that this was changed to "likes to know what his money is being spent on", I don't think it would have counted as unreasonable which I had to remind myself was the point of the exercise. Oh the other one, which is perfectly valid, is that I watch a lot of tv ( I could add that I would switch it off if asked, but that's not the point I guess.) I think she's going to try for "we don't go out together as a couple anymore" as the fifth example, though how this is me being unreasonable I have yet to fathom as she is the one who doesn't want to. I wonder if "he hates my family" would count? I'd accept that!

 All in all it feels like we have turned a corner. The ball has been set in motion and although she could again change her mind she knows that her money is now riding on it. The advice of the solicitor may also help her find a backbone to challenge her mum's vicarious greed.