Inner smile x

Do you know what I mean by your inner smile?

Your inner smile is something that you cannot pretend to do, something that you cannot hide.

For so many years my inner smile hid itself away. It had no reason to surface.

 After talking to a*j on the phone last night I realised something (well a*j sort of gave me a push in the right direction), thank you to my friend for being there and showing me the light.

I never realised, that for a while I have been hiding away in private chat and not talking in the main chat all that often. All I have shown people lately is my blog world and a horrible world that is sometimes.

That is not my life, although some days I think it is. The real me, the one that a few people have seen, is the girl dancing in the kitchen eating pickled onions with a cat looking in through the window.

 A peeping Tom I think Tyler called the little pussy last night.

So, after dancing in the kitchen into the early hours in my pyjamas eating pickled onions, the world seems a brighter place.

I could have seen today as another day full of negatives, believe me there have been enough, but with my inner smile still being worn from last night the day has been full of sunshine.

While I was walking back to my car this afternoon I noticed 2 discarded bicycles on the side of the path and a young couple embracing each other while laying on the grass. For a split second the thought that crossed my mind was get a room but then I realised that I once would have done that. Oblivious to the outside world, wrapped up in passion and love for the man in my life.

I once wouldn't have thought twice about pulling my partner towards me in the supermarket queue and planting a kiss on his lips. It has taken me a long time but I can see me doing that again one day (although this time I may have the children in the background going "yuk mum, get a room won't you, or that is disgusting" like children do.

I went into Tesco petrol station on my way home this afternoon and was singing a song by Texas which is my current favourite CD in the car. How good is it to be oblivious to the fact that everyone around you probably thinks you are totally bonkers.

So, your inner smile is something that only comes out when it is a true reflection of the way you feel. Mine has been screaming to get out I think and I have denied myself this pleasure, this feeling for too long.

Inner smile is a song sung by you guessed it, Texas but having looked up the lyrics I don't think they are a good reflection of the way I feel.

So, please, please drag me kicking and screaming out of private chat as it really is for my own benefit (although not sure the rest of you will agree when you picture me dancing in the kitchen).

The only thing is, my kitchen is at the front of my house and right by the bus stop. It is a fairly busy area and right by the school and one day I will get caught out dancing and girating those hips, what a shame, lol.