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Sep 16
2008
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im angry, crying, fed up, ill with a cold and just slammed the phone down on a friend.
ok, ive know my friend for approx 6 years..shes been a good friend and when this all started she was there for me....but as times gone on shes started to almost nag, critisize my life and what it has become...
in all honesty i've got about 10/12 true friends, as in ones ive know for years...she was one of them..
over the last 6 mths like most of us here ive become hermit like i guess, cant deal with real life, go to work, come home, go to work, come home....i havent wanted anything else....ive had a few wiki weekends away, and gone to stay with friends who live elsewhere, part of my handful of friends...
i work with this girlie friend and see her everyday.....we used to do lunch alot and see each other of an evening....but as ive mentioned above she doesnt think im doing enough.......and when im down and crying she asks why.....she says there must be a reason for why im like i am......its got to the point where yes ok ive started to avoid her, i feel like shes putting pressure on me......
she even sent me an email at work saying she felt like she was stalking me, and basically she has just told me that unless things change i will lose a friend....
ive tried explaining that i havent seen many of my other friends for ages..thats its not her but me, that i do value her and appreciate what shes done....but things have moved up a notch now and ive got even more to think about not just separation...i explained that all thats in my life right now is what im going through and to other people who arnt it gets boring, god they dont want to listen to me moaning on do they ? it seems no matter what i say to her it doesnt matter....
ive been reading my book lately, "its called a breakup because its broken" and friendship is mentioned, and it made me laugh because i was thinking of my friend....thinking im going to lose her...but why when all my other friends can just be there for me cant she ? why does she have to put the pressure on.....tell me ive got to move on with my life...yes ok she's right...but what if your not ready ?
and what is moving on ? damn it theres another bloody question....
she just kept saying, your going to lose a friend, i cant be your friend anymore if your not going to talk to me...we work on the same floor, and i guess it must be difficult but theres alot going on at work too, short staffed, busy etc etc....what can i do ? thats not the only reason if im honest, its her nagging me, questioning everything....
sometimes guys i just wish i could pack up my bags pick up my kittens and run away - stuff everybody else....
sorry needed a rant....
Daisy
xx
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fitbird
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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Daisy big hug to you. I think unless you have been there you have no conception of what it is like. She is maybe just frustrated as she doesn't understand and doesn't know what to do. But you don't need that added stress right now. I got fed up with people telling me to get a life and move on, it's not that easy!!! xxx | |
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bertie670
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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Daisy, all I can say is that through all this you do find out who your real friends are. Hope she is able to see this as well. Good luck Bert |
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fish6
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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aww hun i'll always be here for you and all the wikis that need me chin up luvly your so special its her loss cya soon take care xx |
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Heath
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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Hi Daisy I couldn't have comprehended what all this feels like before it happened to me, so realise why people say things like 'better off without her' etc, so I don't let it get to me...much! But as I've said before, we all do it at our own pace, and the people around us should respect that. And if we keep our distance a little, as we know we will end up talking about it, only to see the he/she's at it again expressions, then i think we're being considerate by not boring our friends! I only think she's trying to gee you up and keep you positive, but going the wrong way about it. I hope you can stay friends, but she's got to back off and realise you are doing stuff for you at the moment, no matter how frustrated she's getting. I'll keep my chin up if you do! Heath |
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quagmire
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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funny innit how sow friends u never really know even when u thought u did. She is most likely struggling to see why you feel like u do cos she hasnt been there and when she does find out she will be greatfull of friends who dont tell her to get on with it. I hope she never has to find out but friends get us thro these times not give up on us, time to re-evaluate wat her friendship means to both of you. (((((((huggles))))))))) manky xxxx |
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Turumbar
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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(((Daisy)))) hun, it is hard when friends don;t understand how you are feeling and try to push you to a place where you aren;t ready to be or want to find for yourself. All I can think of is that she is feeling the pressure at work and also maybe feels like she is failing you as a friend. What we all need is people that are there if we need them, can recognise when to step in and give support and when we need space to do things for ourselves. Really that means they need to understand what you are going through, hence the strength of wiki friends. Like so many others on wiki you have been a huge comfort and support to on wiki, you have our friendship. Maybe you could try explaining that you really value her love and concern but that you need to find your own direction and pace? Hopefully she will then give you a little space. Don't let anyone dictate your pace and direction hun, this is your journey. Good friends will be there at the right times. Take care and wrap up snug and cosy to kick that cold. Tur xx |
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divorcelawyer
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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Hi hunny You might not like what I am about to say....but I think that sometimes it is the friends that drag us through and make us confront things and deal with issues that are the true friends. I know that among my friends the ones who guide me by the elbow and make me do stuff are actually more valuable than the ones who tell me it is fine to wallow under the duvet and try to ignore the world....maybe hun, you need to think about what it is she is trying to do for you. Big hugs hun Amanda |
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kidsinbulgaria
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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(((Amanda))), My definition of true friend :- someone who is there for you through thick and thin, has your best interests at heart and enjoys your company. Think she still qualifies...it is ok to have fall outs or disagreements cos if you are true friends it will all be forgotten about soon enough. If you are questionning her allegience then this will be a good test. At worst, you still have loads of others.... Mike x |
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Goodman01
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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Daisy there is no right or wrong when it comes to how to be a good friend, sometimes people are trying to be helpful it just doesn come across that way? Do you really think that she wants to hurt you? People do and say silly things, real friendships can survive these things, thats what its all about! Sorry you are upset tonight flower GM |
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Goofyfoot
said:
| September 16, 2008 | ||
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Daisy, About a year before we split some close friends of ours seperated, his decision. She was devestated, not just for her but for their children. Several times I walked up the road and made her come to ours for a drink, a cry and a laugh. At the time I must admit I thought she was better off (and he's a friend of mine) and that as she had decided logically to move on I could not understand why she would suddenly be so upset. Well, I found out. Then I would visit her and whilst I did not literally cry on her shoulder (bloke thing, I spent a lot of time in private doing that) she was a great support when talking things over and basically reassuring me things would get better. The key thing here is that she had recently gone through it herself and new exactly how I felt, so she knew when to be gentle and when to encourage me to take a step forward. It sounds like the hardest bit for you is that you are not only friends but colleagues, so you can't avoid her in the same way that the rest of us can with our friends. Tell her you need time and let her make any move beyond that, it may prove to show as to how much of a friend she is rather than an aquaintence. GF |
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saffy1968
said:
| September 18, 2008 | ||
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Oh Daisy, no one is feeling there best when have a cold. You will move on when you feel ready and until then keep blogging and talking on wiki...if she is a true friend she will always be there for you. Big hugs Saffy xxx |
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