Yesterday

Posted by JJ50 in feeling down, dealing with emotions, choosing to stay or go, bad day

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me i had to take the contents of my mum's room up to the home she is moving into i got stbx to come round with his van to help me after all it is a direct result of his affair that my mum has to go there at all.

He wants us to get back together and start afresh but everytime i am with him i just feel anger and it always ends in me giving him what for. He does not say a lot he would prefer it if we just swept it under the carpet but how can i. I still find myself constantly thinking about the two of them and the cruelty he inflicted on both myself and my mother and children when he left. I dont mean he was violent or anything it was mental cruelty his girlfriend calling me names via text because she is very brave!! but he knew about them and was still with her so in my eyes he condoned it.

I would like to think that we can work it out, and to do this i know i need to "shut up" but i cant, i know i am probably pushing him away, but i cannot help it. When i think of why i want him back i think for my children's benefit rather than for my own benefit, well i guess financially i would benefit, of course i would the last few months have been an absolute struggle for me.

He says he loves me just wants his family back he says he is worried about me. I cannot understand then when i found out about the affair just before xmas and took him back that he did'nt leave it at that, i was fine over xmas, i coped well with the horrible discovery i was not arguing with him or feeling the anger i feel now but he chose to lie again and go and see here in January (she made out she was pregnant - doing it again now). If he really loved me and was sorry would'nt he have left her in December?

I find it difficult to believe him, i would like to believe him so that all this pain and sadness could go away - but i dont, i dont understand, and i cant believe him.

I have a strange feeling since yesterday that i am going to get hurt again (if that's possible) that he is going to tell me that he thinks its not going to work and that it would be better if we just divorced and then he is going to go back with her - he is the type to take the easy route and i just dont think he is going to be able to hack it waiting for me to feel better

Just needed to get it off my chest.

Wednesday I am meeting my sisters and mum at the home to help mum move in - i am dreading it absolutely dreading it - i would like to chicken out but i cannot do this to my family so i will have to be brave and go along.

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mrsnomore said:

September 16, 2008
		JJ, I know how you are feeling. I just felt rage and anger. He used this as an excuse to 'keep her in contact and carry on seeing her because 'you were horrible to me'. I dont think you have to 'shut up'. If its how you feel, its how you feel, you can only surpress feelings and emotions for so long, before they will rear their heads again. He needs to accept that you still need to talk about it, to get answers and to really believe that you can begin to trust, accept that it has happened and that he is 100% to helping you both move forwards. I dont buy the brushing under a carpet thing. I tried. I could not forget it and did not look at him in the same way again. Having him back for the childrens benefit is good for them, but for you? IMO you need to want this, it may take a few years to get through it and it will be very tough for both of you. I felt the same, when I had him back after 5 months, why was he not grateful for what he had nearly lost? Why were things still my fault? Why did he have to keep in contact with her? It was not good enough for me, a gaping big hole between us that was horrible and felt dead. Whatever you chose I wish you well, but dont stay because you think you 'ought to' (my mistake) you deserve to feel like you can trust and be cherished for you. Only you know how you feel x I hope tomorrow is not as bad as you are fearing x Take care x

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carrie.watling said:

September 16, 2008
		Oh the dilemma - if he is to come back he needs to break off contact with her 100% - finished! But he mustn't feel as if you are the one demanding this - he needs to want to do this. I have read on websites that this can take 6 months - 2 years to fully be over the affair. especially if they have been caught out and the affair has not naturally come to an end. you can have it back and it won't work out - but that won't be your fault, you can not have him back and miss out on an opportunity to work it out - that would be your fault. The dilemma is awful. - can't he date you ?

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