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Aug 05
2007
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How to lose mutual friends and influence peoplePosted by divwiki in Untagged |
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Not such a good day yesterday and I've just had 4 hours sleep as a result. My x2b phoned me and demanded my presence at her mum's house where she proceeded to tell me that she had changed her mind about a £10k clean break DIY divorce as she doesn't want to live at mum's forever and wants me to set her up elsewhere so she wants £40k instead. She still wants me to divorce her though and not for adultery in case it upsets her lover! I've been advised to go for mediation, but will I be able to persuade her that it's in her interest too? I told her she won't get £40k so she said "well £20K then". I don't think Alan Sugar's got anything to worry about. What worries me is that any figure we do settle on will then immediately change again.
She's decided not to go to the council meeting she asked for about our accomodation, but she hasn't cancelled it so I'm going to go along to see if I have any chance of staying put. I will be going straight from a GP appointment where I need to talk about my depression, divorce and also get my blood-pressure checked. Ever since she told me about her affair (sounds too pleasant that word. Infidelity) I've been getting continuous headaches above my left eye and the divorce hasn't made it any better. I'm taking half an aspirin a day as a precaution until I get it checked out.
She has apparently told "our mutual friends", none of whom have seen fit to contact me by phone or even e-mail so I guess they were always just her friends. I do know that it's difficult for people to know what to say, but just checking that I'm still alive would be something! I've e-mailed the three of them least likely to divulge stuff to her in case they just needed a kickstart. In fairness, my mum is the only member of my family who has spoken to me about all this, bless her, she's 72. None of my siblings have bothered, the world has become a very fractured place.
Exey keeps ringing me to do things for her. Yesterday it was opening a stuck door, today "bring the dog by, I miss him" (who's faults that). I had wondered if maybe she missed me and he was an excuse, but apparently not. She just fussed him for 2 minutes and then said goodbye. I didn't want to kiss her until she gets her VD or whatever infection it is checked out tomorrow. Even then, if she says she's clear would I trust her? I doubt it. How is it possible to trust again when it is lost?
On the plus side the sun is beating down today and I intend to watch sport and politics, eat cupcakes and surf the net in between lazy sunny walks with the dog.
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fio
said:
| August 05, 2007 | ||
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I really don't know how you can put up with all this, it seems like she is in the wrong here and I think you need a clean break to get on with your own life. All this contact is just like picking at a healing wound. I know it must be really difficult for you, but just remember who is having the 'affair'. I guess these situations are never as straight forward as we would like to be. I can't understand your friends not making contact, that must feel so lonely. Keep blogging - I am finding it really helps to get things straight in my head, Looks like we are alternating in the blog list. Try and keep positive and think to yourself that things will improve and that time really is a great healer. Take care  |
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Shelia
said:
| August 05, 2007 | ||
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Why are you sorting out her problems? Let the lover do it. You've got to make a new life for yourself, easily said than done I know. If you stop seeing her at least you stand a chance of saying goodbye to the old one. If she misses the dog let her come and visit you. As for friends you don't know what she has said to them about you. When you first seperate, I think people back off incase you are too needy and they are lumbered with you. When they see you are coping and you just want a bit of company and maybe the odd favour the come round. Even if they don't maybe it's time for some new friends. Find somone else to kiss. Someone who deserves your kind attentions. Take care of yourself Shelia |
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divwiki
said:
| August 06, 2007 | ||
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Thanks fio & Sheila for your insightful and healing comments. She did come round today, put herself out a bit. As her Carer it's quite hard for me to guage when she is having A Good Day and can do things for herself and when she just isn't capable. It is like picking at a scab, though. I guess I'll wean myself off her, but she could be making it a lot easier for me. When I get there though, it will be done and dusted whereas she will still want to be "friends". |
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