Just found out that my useless waster of a husband who has never been able to hold down a job or do anything for long enough to make a go of it - including our marriage - is in a band that is actually going somewhere! He is actually going to make some money and make something of his sorry life. I doubt very much that he will want to share this with his son.

I doubt that he will spare a thought for his wife who supported him when he had no money, nowhere to live.

How can this useless man who has let down everyone who has ever cared about him: his parents, children, wife, friends can actually be

I have taken the first step and made an appointment with a solicitor. Although I know I have done this before and got a petition written. But I didn't ever sign the petition as I was unhappy with the wording and asked her to changed in several times. This was partly because of the inaccuracies and spelling errors in the first draft, and partly because I just didn't want to go through with it. So I decided to give the marriage one last go and fought for it.

So now here I am in the position 18 months later of starting the process all over again.

I have really been determined to divorce him on the

I know I need to move on and start to think about the divorce. But I still can't get past the feeling of just not wanting to. Trying to work out why this is: I know that a part of me still loves him, but I also know that a part of me is just mourning for the marriage I wanted and dreamt of. The sort of marriage that my friends seem to all have - although I realise that what goes on behind closed doors might not be the same I imagine!

I also know that part of my reason for not wanting a divorce is not wanting to make it easy for them - I don't think I could bear it if they went off and got