Another Yesterday

Dear Blog

I am getting a bit behind with myself....

yesterday wasn't good again and was good!

He got up and went golf it was an the last important match of the scratch team.  If they lost they were relegated to another division. 

I saw him go off - at about 7 (he hadn't come in til 2-ish still don't know where he was then)

I think that is my problem  - I watching his every move etc and I haven't got together enough to get a life! I need to stop thinking about him and think about my self and what I want to do etc.  Easier said that done.

I text him good luck and he text back.

I text him in the afternoon and he text back he had lost!

I text him at 10 pm to ask him where he was no answer -

and 11pm and 1 pm ! shit I can't be trusted. At 4am he came in. was at Warren's stag party which was Chicagos. I asked if he had been there all night (in passing sort of way) he said yes then no - then said he had been to warren's as well.

You can't trust a liar! I don't believe him, but we are getting divorced away so why should I be interesting myself.... because I have just spent 20 years with him and its bloody strange that he is now living this other life without me.

Anyway I did stuff yesterday too.

Bathroom - I have been asking for years for the bathroom to be done.  I can't fit a new bath - or anything like that but...

I took down the curtain, lampshade, took up the carpet threw away the 2 cabinets.

Went down Homebase, Dunelms and Laura Ashley and Carpet shop.

Now got new bathroom and its looks fabulous.  Not brilliant - costs about £100.

Got great new toilet seat - its water splashes! new lampshade and a glass vase with an orchid and beautiful shell picture, new curtains with sweet tie backs.

I need a new bath panel really but now realising I cut the carpet to what is there and a panel may be different size ..... oh - not used to this decorating.

the old me would be moaning not exactly what I want - wonder if I was hell to live with? and about not being finished as need bath panel. Feel a bit vulnerable actually because i am now questioning myself as a person and if I am maybe too miserable and not ever satisfied.

The new me with me more mindful of this.

Had some nice email from people yesterday. spoke on msn to my friend, there are good people out there and thanks for being part of my life at the moment.

Carrie