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Sep 13
2008
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It is my youngest daughter's 2nd birthday today, she was 10 months old when he left the FMH.
I broke down in tears last night; angry and upset for my daughter. The children had a 2 hour contact session with their father last night, as stated in the Defined Contact Order (they get an average of 12 hours a month - his choice).
They had their usual meal of MacDonalds and he gave her the birthday presents he had bought for her. They were from Tesco, obviously picked up whilst doing his routine shop for food.
He spent little money, which in itself may not be an issue but the 2 presents he bought her, well............
My little red headed, lively, vibrant daughter is intelligent and bright and loves life to the full. She is inquisitive and sensitive and funny.
He doesn't know her at all, he doesn't know any of his children really.
The presents he bought her would be better suited to my nephew who is not yet a year old.
My 2 eldest children both commented on how the toys weren't age appropriate. My 11 yo son made excuses for him, saying that he didn't know what she liked because he didn't live with us. Where as my 10 yo daughter, who tends to be the one to stick up for her dad, said that we should give the present to my little nephew for his birthday and buy her sister something she actually wants.
How can it be ok for a father not to know what his children like, or at least to communicate with regards what they like. He could have asked any one of her siblings for ideas.
I have given my lovely children a crap dad and will have to live with that. It hurts, it really does.
Another thing, his family sent her birthday cards in the post. Our children have a double barrelled surname, originally our married name, both mine and ex surnames. We have both returned to our respective surnames and the children kept the double barrel. A card arrived for my daughter just with his surname on - now that hurts.
I guess we should be thankful she sent a card at all, maybe that is it, she never knew our surname as never bothered with birthday and christmas cards before. His family are so different to mine. Birthdays are important to us, not about money and presents but about spending time together, celebrating that person.
Not even a phone call from her Nan & Grandad. My whole family either came to see my daughter today or at least rang to give her their best wishes. My children never asked to be divorced from their father's side of the family but it seems we are the forgotten ones.
He has a new life with Sarah Mk2 and Sarah the original, the mother of their grandchildren, and my children themselves are but a memory, thought about occasionally, when it suits.
I gave their son and brother more than a decade of my life, I gave them 5 lovely grandchildren / neices and nephews but we mean nothing any more, not that we really ever did.
Sorry, just feeling rather emotional to think that a 2 yo own father and extended family don't reach out to her and embrace her bright, funny being.
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Shelia
said:
| September 13, 2008 | ||
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Sarah You kids have a crap father that is his fault, and his responsibility not yours. He is a grown man who is choosing to be a crap dad, and he will loose the love and respect of his children. He has lost a little of that today. He knows the value of nothing. On the other hand they have the most wonderful Mother to make up for that. You are kind. caring, responsible, understanding and warm hearted. Life has a way of creating balance. You and your children also have each other and there are 6 of you. Your 2 year old has 5 older siblings and you to amuse and make a fuss of her. To her you are all more important and probably more fun than the in-laws. Your 10 and 11 year olds have much sense and advice, looking for reasons and solutions. They are a credit to you. You need never be sorry about being emotional. You have helped many people, including me, and it is a pleasure to return the favour. Big Hug Shelia X |
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Sadbird2
said:
| September 13, 2008 | ||
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Pls don't beat yourself up about him. Just remember that you are building the example of family life that your child will cherish, you love your children, it's obvious - and they will remember the life you have shown them, as opposed to gestures from his family. Keep your chin up, your kids love you |
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caged butterfly
said:
| September 14, 2008 | ||
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Your children are lucky to have such a fantastic mum and love your family. take heed from your own words of wisedom and be kind to yourself. Lol xxx | |
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JJ50
said:
| September 14, 2008 | ||
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It certainly does look like they have a crap dad - that's his fault, his loss in return they have a wonderful loving caring mum dont beat yourself up about it - it really is his loss he is missing out and one day it will come back and bite him on the backside. big hug to you JJ |
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Metalraver
said:
| September 15, 2008 | ||
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))))))))))))
))))))) You are already doing everything you ought to. Please don't feel ashamed for their fathers inactions. If he wont make the effort now for them, then they won't make the effort for him later. And that is not your fault either. Your doing well Sarah. Dave |
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mezzie1
said:
| September 15, 2008 | ||
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(((Sarah))) Life & love is about celebrating and sharing the SPECIAL people in your life, Their achievements & milestones - Like they would celebrate YOU & YOURS. Anyone trying to spoil the moments with little barbs like missing a name out deserve to be ignored. Do not get upset. If you do send a thank you card, emphasise the child's full name in capitals and leave it at that. |
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Rani4
said:
| September 15, 2008 | ||
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Hi Sarah Please pass my very good wishes to your daughter for her Birthday (a belated wish!!) You did not give your children this father. You chose this man to share your life and he turned out to be this kind of man, husband and father. That cannot be your fault. You cannot control what he does. That is his responsibility not yours. You are being the wonderful mother that you are. And he is being the kind of father he is. It is upsetting i know. I wonder what can be more important than getting a decent gift for his daughter, or even taking the time to ask the other children what their sister might like. But ... this is who he is. What's really important here is that you have given your lovely children a warm, intelligent, sociable, loving, dependable mother who loves them to bits and is ready to do anything for them. I would say they are very lucky children. Enjoy your children, and never mind about him much love Rani x x |
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