yesterday

Did write in it yesterday.

Horrible day.  Went to work - cried - my boss gave me a good telling off - after me crying for about an hour - we was late for our disciplinary and looked worse for wear!!

My boss said how I can go to George with the begging bowl for a rise for you if you are not working! Bloody hell! I am going through the worse thing that has ever happened to me for christ sake.  But I know she is right and her keeping on at me will get me through - her Sagittarian bullying heart is a good heart at the end of the day and although its in her interests that i work hard - I know that she cares and thinks I am pathetic to let him win in all aspects of my life.

I am making Georgia's life hard.  all she sees if a miserable, crying mum and she is getting down and she always used to have such a smiley face.  i will try to make better for her....

We had pizza hut (bloody horrible - but her choice) we got 27 dresses out from blockbusters.... but it was all about weddings and the bit when he proposes to the sister ... and says my dad loved my mum for 42 years and I never thought I would find someone I loved as much as my dad loved my mum - .... we were both in tears .... so dvd off and lights off and we ended up having a relatively early night 10.30pm and had a reasonably night sleep.

My devastation is still there, the pit of my stomach churns and I have a longing for him, like nothing I have ever felt.  There is nothing in my house that doesn't remind me of him.  I know that I am walking down a path away from him now and I need to speed up a bit.