Not such a good day yesterday and I've just had 4 hours sleep as a result. My x2b phoned me and demanded my presence at her mum's house where she proceeded to tell me that she had changed her mind about a £10k clean break DIY divorce as she doesn't want to live at mum's forever and wants me to set her up elsewhere so she wants £40k instead. She still wants me to divorce her though and not for adultery in case it upsets her lover! I've been advised to go for mediation, but will I be able to persuade her that it's in her interest too? I told her she won't get £40k so she said "well £20K then".

Does anyone else get a sort of manic euphoria after the initial shock of being told their ex to be wants a divorce? Yesterday I watched an absolutely stunning sunset, the clouds were pink and fluffy against an azure sky which turned to violet as the light faded. I thought life really is worth living even if I do lose my wife, our home and our dog.

To some extent she had set the tone earlier in the day. She seems to have forgotten that I'm not her Carer anymore and keeps ringing me to do things for her or offload about her Dad who is ill. I find it hard to switch off too so I've gone along with

Ok, so this is my first divorce, yesterday was my first live webchat (thanks, guys) and today is my first blog. So I guess I'm forcing myself out of my apathy and general numbness and back into the world, albeit virtual.

On Monday I found out that my wife wants a divorce and it came as a shock even though we've been kind of living semi-detached lives for a while now. I'm her secondary carer and in the few years that we've known each other she has reached her target weight for the first time in her life, took on her first employment in her life and ceased self-harming. I'm proud of the part