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Sep 09
2008
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Today, or rather yesterday, 8 September, the Decree Nisi was read in court. I was thinking about it as I sat at home today but it was as if nothing had changed. There was only a slight hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach.
My STBX came home from work and did not mention a word about the Decree Nisi. I made no comment. It was best not to say anything. Divorce seems to be taken as such a 'normal' thing these days. People I have known for years (though I don't see many of them anymore) react to the news with mild regret but they are not really saddened as such. Marriage is not taken seriously any more, so it seems. When people are fed-up with the state of matrimony, they can just divorce on a whim. Divorce, divorce - it seems to be the answer to everything!
Teachers, health professional, the clergy - anyone I have had to explain the situation to - they just seem to shrug their shoulders as if it is 'one of those things' that life throws at everyone. Each individual is just a statistic. Of course, many of them have been through it themselves.
But for the individual it can be 'earth-shattering' and very isolating. People mean well - but it can be so isolating to hear them say 'you will get over it' or 'you must make a new life' or 'you are free now - you can do whatever you want'. If you 'fail' to pull yourself together within a few weeks and are not full of grand plans to re-shape your life - people who once sounded supportive start to lose interest and then begin to blame you for grieving too long for your lost marriage. (Note: I am not talking about any member of this site.) There is probably nothing that can be said to take away a person's grief and shame about their divorce. I just wish that people who should know better (e.g. health professionals) would not make such trite comments and expect you to listen as though they were God's Truth.
Another thing, my STBX has been confusing me by making sexual advances recently. I do not know what he means by this - he seems to 'want his cake and eat it'. He is the one wanting the divorce and is still determined to see it through, yet he makes advances for sex from me. I feel I am just being used as a body - it is not fair - and it does not feel 'right' now. My STBX is messing around with my emotions this way and I am not sure how best to deal with this. If we are separated, even under the same roof, he should not be asking me for sex.
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marriaa
said:
| September 09, 2008 | ||
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hi zanth, I am sad that you are still struggling to come to terms with things.Being under the same roof does make matter worse.There is no time limit for greiving and we all do it in our own time. As far as the sex advances are concerned it is a very common occurence.He is trying to get the bet of both world ,Tell him to get on his bike. WE do not see you in chat,you should come,it helps quite a lot. You will get there but not fast enough for you. Try and look after yourself |
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Zanth45
said:
| September 11, 2008 | ||
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Hello, Thanks for your comments. It amazes me the way a partner can behave, even when they have decided to end a long term relationship or marriage. My STBX behaves in a non-sensical way considering he cannot wait to get rid of me. He is annoyed that our case does not go to court until November and is looking for ways to make a settlement before then. He is offering to pay my rent for 3 months if I find accommodation and get out of the STBX marital home in next couple of weeks. But my solicitor has advised me not to leave the home until the divorce is settled (my name is still on the house deeds). My STBX is still trying to trick me out of any right I may have to this property and get his own way in everything. He treats the house as a rubbish bin and I am still expected to clear up after him. I feel I am being used and made a fool of. He thinks he is of superior intelligence to me and so he can 'pull the wool over my eyes'. Zanth.  |
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