A mixed day - bad but turned out good!

Dear Blog

After last night's horrendous torture. I finally relaxed a little.

He came up to my bedroom to say goodbye at about 7.30am - he is going to golf and I have told him not to come back to night as my daughter (who lives in norwich is staying on her way back from heathrow -she's been to Egypt) and she will not tolerate him and I can expect her to drive all the way back to norwich at 1am !  He has agreed, although he was a bit nasty and wouldn't tell me where he was staying.

Anyway ... youngest daughter has a dvd from blockbusters so she text him to come and get it and he rang me to see if I had taken it back ..... had I heck!! no way. So 20 seconds later he was coming in.  I was in the fortunate position of after last nights trauma - spent time today have a bath from paradise, washed my hair, did my hair, put my face on and my nice clothes and felt good, thank god he came round....!!!! :)

What him to see that I scrub up well!!

I had cried earlier in the day after the bath when i felt shit and my son's girlfriend chenise sat with me in the bathroom for about 20 minutes whilst i cried saying he was a w****** and not worth my tears etc.  I am not been a good role model for the young girls in my life! my sons girlfriend is 18 my daughter is 20 and my youngest daughter is 13! don't want them to think it is normal to fall apart when someone shits on you! Want them to think my mum managed and came through.  Perhaps I will concentrate and work on this!

Anyway (my favourite word today) I was cool-ish and said i had been thinking about what he had said yesterday and perhaps he was right, we had 20 good years and now its run its course and I was looking forward to a new challenge - well he was gobsmacked - he muttered something about so you had some good memories and I said - hell yes, we had a bloody ball, shame its over, but I have to move on and look to the future, might not be the future i had planned with him, but I do have a future - my daughter is marrying in the sechelles next year and he will not be coming but I will!

I said he had his flat to look forward to - he had a flat before we married, I said you will be able to have your girlfriend round in the morning (if she doesn't leave her husband) and go to work when you want and golf when you want - you'll have that life you did when you was 20 It will be great.

But my life will be great to.  I said although I loved cooking for him and looking after him, sleeping with him each night and my favourite thing was looking at his clothes drying on the washing line then bringing them to iron them, I would have a different life - and it was exciting to think about ....

He didn't seem very happy - I didn't say anything about other blokes I said I wasn't interested ..... but after 20 years with one bloke it is a bit daunting thinking about having sex or even proper kissing someone else! How do we cope with that?? 

 I finished by saying I knew it was great at the time, and I happy to move on and see what a future without him holds! i just turned away and came in and shut the front door - didn't even wave goodbye.

5 minutes later he was texting my daughter - my beautiful princess I will always love you etc etc etc - which she found hysterical

he didn't send me a text message - just as well as I might of broken.

I have had the whole range of emotions today! I sort of feel on a high at the moment long may it last and if I manage to bottle it i will give it away free to my wiki mates.

Carrie