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Sep 06
2008
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I thought id start a blog, to try and get some of this negative energy out of me.
Not feeling right at the moment, im very panicky and my heart wont stop racing.
Ive gone through every emotion under the sun today.
Im so scared of being alone, i just feel so down and lonely and he seems fine, its not fair, why cant he feel some of the pain im feeling, mind you why would he, its him that has told me he doesnt love me and wants to be on his own.
I woke up this morning so sad and scared, he picked me up because i had to sort clothes etc out, now he's gone to work. I have so many questions that i need answering but he just wont answer them straight, i dont know if it was a good idea or not, but i told him about this site and showed him my post on the introduction part of the forum because i wanted him to know what he was doing to me, he told me he was sorry for doing this to me. Doesnt make me feel any better though.
We've said we want to stay friends, to make things easier in the long run, but i keep getting so angry with him, and i dont want him to end up hating me for it, i told him if we are to be friends to keep things simple then he needs to understand that i am going to go through different emotions, one minute wanting a hug just for reassurance the next wanting to slap him lol, i never would but it helps to imagine it.
I hate my life right now, i cant imagine coming out happy on the other side.
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findingmyself
said:
| September 06, 2008 | ||
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Hi gemma1982 I recognise that scary place from a few months back. Blogging is a useful way to get your feelings out and gain prespective again. You are right about the emotions. The one thing you can be sure of is that there will be plenty of them, contradictory and changing at the drop of a hat. There were a few things I found helpful. Obviously, relaxing baths etc, but for the agitation I found exercise especially good. I even managed a 2 mile run (not something I'd have thought possible) purely driven by adrenaline. The odd thing was that the feeling that I could do something so impossible as that if only I'd trust myself to do it and keep going through the pain, helped me in a much wider sense. The other thing was a massage. My stbx was getting plenty of physical comfort of course, but i definitely benefited from releasing the muscle tension and so missed the physical touch and comfort I'd have got from my partner.....well worth the money and she wasnt put off by all the tears either. Take care of yourself finding xx |
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Elizabeth
said:
| September 06, 2008 | ||
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Hi Gemma1982, I read your blog and relate to it in so many ways... like a pendulum I swing from thinking I still love this man who has treated me badly and "checked out" of our 20 year marriage like he was checking out of an hotel... next pendulum swing despising him. I try and keep super busy, my garden is my sanctuary, I get out there now even in the rain just to be outdoors doing something useful...take up new hobbies if you can, a bit daunting at first but try as anything new does bring new experiences and often meeting new people helps... I know what you mean about lonliness, anxiety etc, it's horrible and I truly do understand.  Keep on this site as it will help you in many ways... |
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Iwillbeok
said:
| September 07, 2008 | ||
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Hi Gemma1982 I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. I can relate to many of the things you have written- the pain, the anger, the rejection, the injustice. Although things feel unbearable for you right now, have faith in yourself that you will get through this. My husband left me in April after telling me (in December) that he didn't love me any more. At the time I could not envisage a future & felt that my life had ended. I found it helpful to try not to think too far ahead as this only left me feeling overwhelmed. Instead I tried to take things one step at a time. Now, although I still find things difficult, I am, at last, beginning to feel better & stronger, & I can now see a life beyond him. Wiki has played a key part in setting me on the road to recovery, so you have come to the right place - I just wish I had found it sooner! Wishing you well Iwillbeok x |
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Goodman01
said:
| September 07, 2008 | ||
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Gemma People are different, and they show their emotions differently, if you are to seperate, even if you husband wants to dont think that it wont be upsetting for him just becaue he doesnt show it.... I wanted to end my marriage, so did my ex wife, we stayed together for too long, but even though I didnt want to be with her anymore, I was still kind of gutted when we did go our seperate ways, however I never showed it, well not to her anyway, just my way of coping. This might the case for your ex, I would guess that he is hurting, or he will be, but that wont make a lot of difference to you, whether or not he is hurting that is. Writting things down and sharing them with others has helped me, to get things straight in my head and to get other people's perspective, I hope that it helps you too GM |
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Gemma1982
said:
| September 07, 2008 | ||
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Thanks everyone for your replies Goodman maybe your right, maybe he can see how much im hurting and doesnt want to show he is and giving me the wrong impression. |
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