I think he got the message!

Hello!

Well, I think today went okay. I received lots of good advice regarding how to cope with seeing my stbx when he picks up our son & it seems that speed is the key to reducing the stress. Thanks for all the tips.

I have to admit that he still had 2 coffees today- one when he picked up & another when he dropped off, but they were much quicker than usual. I was so obviously loading up the car for the tip when he arrived - I left the car boot open just to make sure he could see what I was doing. I think the fact that communication was kept to a minimum helped to speed things up too. He volunteered nothing about his life & I told him nothing about mine, & neither of us asked. His discomfort at this was apparent. He doesn't like it when I'm not chatty. He would really like me to babble away as though none of this has had an impact on me. I'm sure that this would help to ease his conscience about what he has done, if he was in a position to find it that is! Where's Jiminy Cricket when you need him!?!

When he first arrived, I felt myself shaking, but soon stopped by reminding myself that this is my home, not his &, ultimately, I am in control of what goes on here. I am okay with him being here (for my son's sake) but it is important that he appreciates this & is respectful. Today this seemed to be the case, although there was a mad dash for the kettle at one stage- I almost pushed him out of the way as I said abruptly 'No. I'll do it'. I think he got the message!

He spent some time with our son in his bedroom looking at his model layouts & then some time with him playing basket ball outside. I did my usual territorial thing & made sure my presence was felt. It's amazing how many small jobs can be done in any given area of the house / garden in order for me to keep an eye on things!

I breathed a sigh of relief when he left but there were no tears & I didn't feel angry. If anything, I felt slightly amused by his obvious discomfort at my being in charge. I am no longer the tearful, begging victim I was, who, much as it hurt, wanted him to stay & chat. No, I have changed. I am a woman who has been forced to re-evaluate everything in order to keep her head above water, & I am doing just that.

So that's another Saturday visit over & done with. And another one that I have survived unscathed. I hope I can keep this up!

Iwillbeok x