Don't have an affair

When I met up with Bob on Tuesday, it was the first time for a while.

I'd been keen to fill him in on the latest, the latest being the fact that I'd found support in this website.

For a long time I've been thinking of having an affair. It would be my way of demonstrating to myself that not all women were as selfish, unreasonable and controlling as the one I'd married.

There are special websites for married people who want to have an extramarital affair, but without losing their marriage. In fact, I'd even asked if I could use his credit card to pay for a membership so that it wouldn't  show on my statement. Thank God he'd said no when I asked him the last time we met up.

So I filled him in on this website, and the blog, and the chat facility when we met up. And there were 2 things that had meant more to me than anything, 2 small comments that readers of my blog had made, that hit home to me...

1. "...you spend your whole life treading on eggshells..."

2. "...I finally threw in the towell..." 

Now Bob did it all wrong. His marriage was doomed for many years. He moved out of the marital home and into a flat. (actually, it was a flat that belonged to him and his hife that they owned as a second home).

All this free time on his hands. What would he do with it? Ahhh, I know, let's have an affair! And he did. And did he tell his wife? No. And did he tell his new bit-on-the-side that he may want to get back with his wife? No.

I mean, that's all water under the bridge. He's now divorced, has a huge amount of time with his kids and has a relationship with someone else completely. He's sorted.

And, I really think that his refusal  to let me use his credit card was his way of saying "...don't have an affair...".

And for me, I'm glad. And, having found this website, I can honestly say that now I realise that I have spend many many years "...treading on eggshells...". And that an analogy has now emerged. Something thats I knew in the back of my mind, but couldn't actually extract.

And the analogy is (and I can really see the picture in my mind);

Imagine 2 boxers in a ring. That's me and her. And we're on opposing sides. And she strikes me with a blow of unreasonableness. I try to defend myself, but then - an uppercut of control...  I'm still standing and still defending myself when a massive blow of selfishness comes my way.

...and I am I ready to throw the towel in? It's on it's way. 

And the thoughts I once had for having an affair are deminishing. And I am feeling stronger day by day. I want to do the right thing. To re-gain some control in my life. To have quality time with the children. To build up the belief in myself that I am a man and can make decisions.

And this website, and others experiences are helping me.

Every day I feel stronger. And I know that this blog, the Wiki people and their messages are helping me day-on-day.