Need to blog and stay close to wiki at the mo, was going to hibernate for a few days but I know that is the worst thing to do.
Yesterday he arrived at 6pm as planned. sat down and I asked for exact details of his current relationship with her and asked where he was at and where he wanted to go with me. He said he is living day to day and no idea where he is at or where he is going. She is a very close friend and it is at the moment non sexual. He couldn't explain how everyone thought they were a couple, he said other people lie and twist things. He cares for me but no love now. He said my anger beat the love out of him. he said I turned in Jeckyl and Hide. His mother is coming over from cyprus next week and he says until he has spoken to her he has no idea what he wants. He said I frighten him and he doesn't want to risk it failing again. I think my anger is understandable given everything. He wouldn't stop seeing her anyway.
He said he is a good catch and get many offers, he did mainly say from fruit loops/undesirables. He says for 40 he doesn't look his age, earns well has no debts and is a nice guy so it is not surprising he has a choice of women. He doesn't realise the guys he is comparing himself to are very heavy drinkers and look %*&*.
He said he wants to be alone as he doesn't want grief of another failed relationship but he also said he doesn't want to be alone. She is a future partner possibility he said as he likes her and he doesn't want to be alone, he did say he wasn't to keen on having to live with someone else's child (she has a 13yr old). He never mentioned love when talking about her. He did tell me I first found out about them he really liked her and saw a future with her, now he says he doesn't know.
So he is maintaining friendship with her in case he needs her and also trying to maintain me in case he decides he wants to try. He says better to chat next week after he talked to his mum as he will know what he wants then. He said whatever he wants to be friends. There was more but I am too tired today to remember everything.
I cried, sobbed for hours, he is gone but still trying to dangle that carrot until he knows what he wants.
At 5am after next to no sleep I did the stupidist thing every but also the strongest thing I've done. I texted....
"I've been thinking all night and I deserve better. If you can't decide between a wife you have been with for mearly 20yrs and a barmaid you have known for a few months it says a lot. You didn't accept any of your faoults last ight or acknowledge that I too am a damn good catch. I will only be with someone who really loves me whcih you don't. I deserve better."
He has ignored this but today am getting grief as when he was crawling I texted barmaid and told her to butt out as he wanted to come back to me. She told him as she knew nothing about it, he flipped and said how dare I contact his friends like that. He threatened to go to speak to sol about it??? Yeah bet you would, your wife is trying to save her marriage and you were telling her you wanted to as well so wife told gf to leave us alone and you want a sol to write a letter to me to say leave her alone?????? AWESOME!!! He chilled now as I stood up to him in a non confrontational way but was firm. He now says lets look forward not backward.
So I didn't say %*&$ off you complete $&$^$* as I prob should have done, and although I know how he feels about me now I still have a slight bit of hope. But doubt his mother will say come back, god knows what he's told her but barmaid won't be mentioned. I do know it is over really and I need to move but it's that that makes we cry. And I still sent that text to him so he does know I not going to be dangled anymore (well I am no doubt but he won't know). But......
IT'S OVER! Gotta deal with that, but the stupid thing is my head says no don't deal with it, ignore it, then still glimmer hope, but I'll get there I'm sure. Got good friend coming over for chinese tonight, she'll help. But thanks to you wikipeeps, I am only still going because of all your amazing support.
xxx
Show/Hide comments
mrsnomore
said:
| September 02, 2008 | ||
 |
(((((Fitbird))))) huge hugs hun. That feeling of realisation is horrible as you still want them to say they love you and want you too. Using your anger as an excuse is pretty poor, yet we take on all kinds of blame when we are wanting to save a marriage. I heard the same things 'I have four or five women after me' 'you'll realise what a mistake you have made in not forgiving me'. Both WRONG! talking about her and what he's deciding to do takes the mickey in a hugely hurtful way, talk about cake and eat it! How arrogant, he is totally absorbed with himself and you do deserve so so much better as you rightly texted! Your text says it all, keep it in mind through this hard stage hun, you are doing the right thing, and don't be there for him until you are strong enough to cope. He is able to act like this because it has been allowed with that glimmer of hope - look after YOU and don't let him continue to put you through the wringer hun. have a good cry and laugh tonight with your friend and put the world to rights xxx Keep strong, you will get there x |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Goodman01
said:
| September 02, 2008 | ||
 |
Claire, When somebody is unhappy in a relationship, it can only take the smallest of interest from another party, to encourage them to make a dramatic step, and having done so, coming back is almost impossible. He must have been very unhappy/confused to have left you, if he wasn?t having a relationship with the barmaid; it is not fair for him to expect you to be ok with this situation, its very soul destroying I know. There is not much I can offer by way of advice, you are on a roller coaster, and every now and then he is throwing in a dislodged piece of track, just to keep it interesting, but like all rides, journeys etc, they come to an end at some point, some people shut their eyes to the end, others wave their arms around screaming, etc, your choice how ride this out, anger is understandable, given the circumstances! Don?t lock yourself away; thinking with a healthy share of discussing it with friends is a good way to get your head straight. Good luck GM |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
findingmyself
said:
| September 02, 2008 | ||
 |
Hi fit What you are going through is really painful but at least the pain can have some purpose now, to move you towards something better rather than crying over something that was an illusion and was never going to be. I was in that place 4 months ago..the worse days of my life. I can only say that to make it bearable I had to cut off completely from my stbx and start controlling my life. To offer or receive any sort of support or comfort would have given mixed messages and caused emotional mayhem for me. I know how awful it is now, but your recent blogs have been full of despair; maybe this is the turning point. Let the feelings come and go, a day at a time, and you will start to see a future again. wikipeeps are here to help you through fm xx |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Sandgrowngal
said:
| September 03, 2008 | ||
 |
Hi fit, I have been reading your blog and so far not commented...as its felt too much like commenting on my own life and experience. I know your head must be in such a whirl...I have been exactly where you are , in pain..(it feels physical,) confused, and desperately wanting to be with your partner 24 hours a day..... just so you know they are not with the ow.... but at the same time not wanting to see them at all, because you feel so betrayed that they can treat you in this way. Its sheer torture. I carried on for two months like that, back and forth with all the accompanying emotions, even supporting him when she got pregnant with his child. I begged him to encourage her to keep the baby (Im RC)....and would still have stuck with him despite that. . I tell you all this for a reason.... the smallest of things turned a corner for me and I hope you will too. He was seen shopping with her in the local supermarket by a friend (or so called...they just cant wait to dish the dirt!!) when he'd told me he had gone to visit his parents. It was the smallest of things, but just another lie and it was the straw that broke the camels back . I knew I couldnt continue with him and his deceit any longer . I was sick of not feeling good enough and being compared (was she pretttier, funnier, bigger boobs.... ughhh it all went on in my head) Why was I in a competition anyway? I cut off all contact with one phone call...and finally had peace. I left him and her too it. You too will reach the stage where you know you cant continue any longer and youve just had enough. Until youve got to that stage (and I think you will)..... you have to do just what you feel is right at the time. Just watch out for that camel walking past your window. Take very good care of you. SG  |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Show/Hide comment form
