Charming men make dangerous lovers

We have all read the articles charming men make dangerous lovers,I was always of an opinion this always happened to other women until it happened to me .I met such a man in 1995,my mother died in 1993 of breast cancer and I was going through a rough patch as a single parent bringing up my oldest son ,who was 14 years old. Some days I could not see the computer screen on the till for crying over my teenage son. so it is little wonder that I did not see this con -man coming in my direction.

This was a quiet divorced man well dressed very well groomed. I worked as a barmaid in a pub in the morning I would cycle to work he would be smoking down stairs in the front bar when I arrived.  Mr X lived in with the family at the time he was helping the manager out as a bouncer in what was a rough working mans pub. I cleaned the pub in the morning then done agency work on the other days I was on good money back then .I held down 3 jobs as a single parent . I am streetwise maybe with a few blind spots.He would make me coffee & chat about his break up with his recent girlfriend,he was just back from Germany a few lads were all there in the pub 1 morning when I turned up.Something had gone wrong on the trip.The girlfriend did not want to know him , he would go to the pay phone several times and she did not want to know.Then one morning all his clothes came in on hangers like a factory was having a clear out  the barman helped him move  out of her home. Then it got nearer to Christmas I felt sorry for him as he was telling me he could not see his children his ex-wife was being difficult.Later on it turned out we had the same firm of solicitors in the town. I remembered everything he told me and showed me paperwork. Their divorce papers were pulled from the public registry for this case in 2004 . The same thing domestic violence was sited as a reason for the previous divorce,the children were scared of him. Later the social services would ask for our passports and to do a CRB check for carers or guardianship . The way that this is handled in closed court is just barbaric is the only word for it. So many women on the internet all say the same,we have lost our children and are lucky to get 1 hour a month in a contact centre, one mum gets 3 hours a year !

This is no secret the government will not be publishing these figures as they are selective about revealing certain topics for surveys. Women's Aid on the other hand are not so backward in coming forwards as more mothers turn to the internet in search of help & support. There is a lot of support for women, who are now  living apart from children most of it is free.

 I have completed the research with Women's aid about our experience ,we also discussed  the tactics this man used . I do not want to go into chapter & verse about this man as it is now  in the past I do not want to go back there. When ordered by the courts to under take psychiatric evaluations in a care case ,I naively  talked in confidence about the trauma or experience with living briefly with   with an unemployed alcoholic who had violent outbursts .

I researched later this  Dr B who has chaired the rights of a child to contact with an abusive parent   on domestic violence conferences in 2001  . I found she was  up there with the other feminist's the other  child psychiatrist at GOS hospital Danya Glazer this was to cost me dearly talking to her, I lost our son directly for telling the truth .I mean they should warn you what to say before you go there , do not mention if he is violent towards you as they will use this as PAS.

I am not alone I have met other mothers who say the same she took their children and placed them with men who were not even live in fathers.All of the placements are suspect, the similarities are most live on benefits or welfare. Most  had a history of drink & drugs which is also well documented in their medical notes.  

My own experience would tell me that there is a new breed of man coming up through the divorce courts who has far more rights than a child or a woman's right to feel safe .This is what you call progress in the family court in the 21st century.

I found a blog yesterday insaneworld.wordpress which I added to my blogroll  this was about domestic violence discussing forgiveness does not equal healing.

Moving on I am running out of time so do not know when I will be able to come back to blog .

I am going to have to prepare to go in for urgent surgery this week, the same expert witness has mislead the court telling the judge I do not have any of these medical problems . It could be worst I suppose , she has no real weight outside of court just inside closed court she can have her glory days of  destroying decent families for a £150 per hour .

Thank god for the respectable doctors who do practice the the teachings of do no harm to their patients.I am tempted to say well, you would not have it ,or  be told ,what is going on in closed court to some people, until it happens to you and it is your turn next.