In Bluer Skies

I debated as to whether or not to write this blog, felt it wasn’t of significance to others, but its important to me, and hey, this is my blog after all!

The past few weeks have been well, life changing to say the least. I had my head firmly stuck in the sand, and couldn’t see the point in removing it. Its better just to stay there and not deal with emotions, right?

I needed emotional closure. More than anything. I have mentioned that once the divorce had come through I would write to the man I married, putting across my thoughts and feeling on our marriage, and his actions. I couldn’t put off writing that letter any longer, so I sat down, and wrote it. There were no accusations, no recrimiminations, just how it was -  for me.  Writing that letter was a huge step for me, it gave me the emotional closure I needed. I have put down on paper what I need to say to him, and nothing more needs to said about what went on in the marriage, or how the girls and I were affected. The chapter is closed, and I’m looking at a new one. The letter currently sits inside a book on my bookcase, and will stay there until I sign the divorce papers in November, then I will post it.

In my mind and heart, I am no longer married, granted the legal side still stands, but not for much longer. It is what is in my heart that matters, and I finally feel free.

I have recently been given a most precious gift – to be able to spread my wings and fly freely – for far too long I have been cooped up inside a bird cage.  The person I am is emerging, and its like coming out a deep deep sleep. The re-awaking of myself is gradual, and wonderful, and I know now that I have a lot to offer. I’m not “Housewife”, I’m not even “Ruby” anymore, I’m me – just me.

I used to blog a lot, but no longer feel the need, so this is probably my final blog (but I’m not closing the door just yet) But I wanted to write down that the emotional closure I so badly needed has been found – and embraced.

 There are so many people I would like to thank, but Im worried I forget to mention someone and cause offence. To all my wonderful Wiki-friends, simply thank you, words are just not enough sometimes. You know who are. 

There is a whole new world waiting for me out there – I fully intend to cherish each new day, and never look back. The past has gone. The future is what matters.

“What needs must be
I realised
I'm walking out
From blackened skies

What needs have been
You'll realize
I've found myself
In bluer skies”

(In Bluer Skies – Echo and the Bunnymen)