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Aug 31
2008
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Its been a while since I last blogged as I'm trying to keep myself busy. This helps me to get through every day and can be a distraction but I do feel very tired by it all.
My partner has left me for someone else - a friend of ours - and my self esteem has taken a bruising. However, I went out last night with some people I hardly know and had a really good time. I thought about what to wear and made an effort getting ready and although the prospect was daunting and I was nervous at first I met some really nice people and had a good time chatting.
My partner and I were together for 15 years (I was 22) so I'm really not used to being a single adult. She was always much more outgoing than me and as we tended to socialise with other couples it was easy for me to take a back seat - partly because xp would lead the conversations but I think that this made me quieter. Wouldn't it be funny, if after all this heartache, she wasn't the one for me afterall? I miss her terribly and can't understand how she can treat me so cheaply or have feelings for anyone else but I know that I need to move on.
I have passed the pleading stage: please give me another chance, I'll change, have an affair, don't leave me what will I do. I've had some flashes of anger too but these never seem to last very long as I am stick in sad - so maybe, last night was a glimmer of a new me / life that might not be so bad.
We have told our daughter which was very difficult so a lot of my energy is now spent comforting her. She is only 6 and obviously upset at the news - lots of anger and saying hurtful things - but I know that I have to be strong to help her throught this and I currently feel confident that I can.
I'm sure everyone has the same rollercoaster of feeling as they try to make sens of what is happening and there are more downs to come but I want to recognise the positives too and come out of this a better person and parent
Good luck to us all
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Iwillbeok
said:
| August 31, 2008 | ||
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Hi Bloddy Yes, I know what you mean, it really is a rollercoaster ride. My mood swings are dizzying. My heart goes out to you -your situation is so difficult, particularly because your partner went off with a friend- I cannot begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling. My husband is with a girl I have never met & is living over 200 miles away, & this feels bad enough! I'm really pleased you had a good time last night. Isn't it odd socialising as a single person! I, too, am determined to continue going out but have my wobbles before I get out of the door. At times, I find myself talking myself out of the idea of going out altogether, deciding that I would really rather stay at home with a paper bag on my head! I then have to force myself to 'get out there'. Sounds like you are being really strong for your daughter. It is hard in this situation- just when they need us the most, our own resources are at an all time low. It is good that you feel confident in helping her through this awful time. Despite the devastation & hurt I have felt (& still feel ? it's that rollercoaster again!) I do believe that an experience like this can have positive consequences. I know I will grow as a person &, at the end of it all, I will be able to hold my head up high & experience feelings of strength, self- worth & confidence. Iwillbeok x |
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marriaa
said:
| August 31, 2008 | ||
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it is very sad when love is not reciprocal.The emotions you have been through are normal to all of us and re visit them very often but you sound that you have come the the acceptance stage so things will start improving.we do not realise how our partner shapes our life.You are a person in your own right so find yourself only when you know who and what you are ,you will be able to fnd your soul mate.She might be the brave one who admit that it is not working and want out and doing you a favour . Stay as amicable as you can for the sake of your daughter. good luck |
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