some sums to make you think

Those of you have seen my posts on the site will know that I am a great believer in fairness .. and of getting things sorted without spending a fortune on lawyers. I hope the following story will help you to understand why.

A few facts before we start:

Separated Oct 2004.

Divorce petition Jan 2007

Lodged my Form E with court May 2007

Decree Nisi May 2007.

His Form E end Aug 2007

FDR March 2008

FH Aug 2008.

FMH equity 210k

Endowment 52k (was 43k)

My CETV 86k

His CETV 184k (but pension due Oct 08 – lump sum 92k, pension 9k pa)

Me 47, him 59.

3 kids 18 (just) 16 and 12.

A week or so on from Final Hearing I am setting out – as I said I would - the story of our Financial settlement.

This was to have been an ‘amicable’ divorce - his solicitor’s words in the letter saying he wanted to divorce. My costs were estimated initially at 3-5k. What actually happened was very different.

He failed to produce a Form E so mine was lodged with the court – eventually he changed solicitor and finally produced his a few days before the First Appointment. Mediation was never mentioned. I did not even know it existed – had not found Wiki then.

At First Appointment, the judge warned about spiralling costs vs the size of our assets pot.

In November I arranged to meet him to see if we could sort it out between us – with solicitors in the room if necessary. He agreed but nothing happened. <!--[endif]-->

At this point our legal costs were manageable – about 6k of mine – and probably only 4k or so of his (legal aid).

By FDR they had risen considerably. At least 15k for me, 8-10k for him.

We had no response to any of our requests for info about what he wanted .. or to our pre FDR offers.

At FDR he started off wanting to keep his pension and have a 50% Mesher on the house – to be activated when the youngest was 18 in 6 years time. This was the equivalent of 150k NOW.

At FDR he was offered the value of the endowment policy in cash - or the policy if I could not raise the cash within 3 months. At this point the value was 43k – although no doubt it would have been updated before settlement was made. My Dad was prepared to loan the cash – from the proceeds of a property sale .. but it later fell through.

We could not settle because he held out for the policy plus 20k cash .. as well as his pension. He wanted even more after FDR – pension and policy plus 50k.

At Final hearing he was awarded his pension – plus the policy. But our costs had gone up to nearly 30k me – and 20k him – almost the value of the policy.

I have looked back to see what he could have settled for and saved us all a lot of money – and heartache.

If in November of last year, he could have settled for 32k cash and his pension. I would have given some 24k to him instead of the lawyers – and would only have had to find another 6k to pay him off … and he would not now have to pay a further 16k in legal bills.

Ironically I am also better off .. although not by much, than I would have been if I had given him what he demanded at FDR.

So …. What is the lesson from all this??

I know he would not have settled. FH and all the costs it entailed was inevitable.

I just hope he can live with the fact that some 40k is now in the pockets of the lawyers rather than being used to benefit our children. And I now have to start again with the mortgage in order to keep the children in their home.

I am frustrated beyond belief that I was dragged down this path. It seems so very wrong. But I am at a complete loss to know how it could have turned out differently. Anyone got any clues??