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Aug 28
2008
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Flipped out big style last night. Lesson to self - do not try and box emotions up with kick up backside as they are not ready to go away yet. He's not ready to come back but he's still dangling that carrot. I have no idea whether I want him back or not, I just want to stop hurting. I sobbed and sobbed, another nights lost sleep and such pain. I managed to work for 3 hours but back to achieving diddly again. Can't go to drs for any pills until medical for new job done. Hopefully next week, then some sanity. I am just going to have to accept I am a mess and I can't clear it up yet or on my own. He came over early today to pick daughter up and wanted to help me collect the chicken eggs, he didn't rush to leave, it's like he wanted to be with me but last night he said just friends at the mo, he said he enjoyed lunch yesterday but nothing more yet! YET??? AT THE MO??? He says be patient, wait and see what hapens, I can't do it, I just want to go back to bed and wake up when it has all gone. Saturday, I want him to tell me he loves me, I want his 40th to be a new start, but I know in my heart it won't be. If he truly loved me he would be here, he would be saying lets go to relate now and sort this out. I hate not being able to breathe, I hate feeling sick, I hate having tummy ache, I hate getting dissapointed when a friend texts and it's not him, I hate all this.
I have so much I have to do before monday, can't put it off, it's already past deadline, but not managing to do it. This is all so rubbish. I only got a month to go to start new job, i gotta hang on, I am terrified of messing up this new job too, I want it so much, I worked so hard to get it. I just seem to be making a complete mess of everything. Youngest (15) is furious I want him back, she also doesn't want to share me she said, she doesn't want him back. God I feel so sick. All the things I said i was going back to doing, done nothing, can't be bothered to be cheerful, fed up with smiling when I am f***ing miserable with a huge hole in me. Everywhere I look everyone is miserable bar him off doing his thing, actually I think he is sad somewhere inside, maybe I am hoping he is sad, maybe he is happy, but i think he is sad. The house is messy, the garden is a messy, the dog isn't getting enough exercise, I have done nothing to them all week. Am managing to get hair cut later, but want to look nice for him on sat, what a mess.
xxx
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mike62
said:
| August 28, 2008 | ||
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Claire, Just do what you feel able to do. No more. Everything else can wait. As to him, well personally, I think he believes that he is happy. But he is also going to have to face some pretty harsh realities himself. "YET??? AT THE MO???" - What is that telling you Claire? He hasn't sorted out in his own mind where he is. He is dangling you on a piece of elastic, to keep his options open. You are worth so much more than that girl. You get to that hairdresser, have a killer hairdo (on the joint account of course), but not for him, do it for YOU! Because you are worth it. You take care of yourself and let it all out. As you said in your lesson to yourself, don't box them up, cos they come back and bite you even worse. Mike |
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fish6
said:
| August 28, 2008 | ||
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fitbird i totally echo what mike said and it was almost like reading about me when it all kicked off !!! as u probably seen i still have down days but they do get less im hoping ?? its been 6 months now and i am reaching for better things as you can!! hold on to you fit as mike said do it for you take care x |
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JJ50
said:
| August 28, 2008 | ||
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(((((((((((((((fitbird) Just do what you can hun the house and garden no matter how messy it can wait it will still be there tomorrow. I totally agree with what mike has said get your hair done look after yourself before you worry about the house and garden etc. Oh and i got one of them a 16 year old who says she hates her dad and she does not want him coming back to live with us. Im in a slightly different boat to you my husband wants to come back thinks we can put this all behind us over night but im not so sure so at the moment he is round his mums i feel really uncomfortable with him now i feel like i dont know him really the man i married would never have had an affair. Some days i am just so sick of the sadness that all this has caused me i could quite easily phone and tell him to come home but i know that the sadness will still be there for me and to be honest if he looks even remotely happy it makes me feel really angry. God knows where all this will end fitbird but one thing is for sure you must think about yourself first put you first and as soon as your medical is over please, please go and see the GP about not sleeping i have been there with the not sleeping at all and trust me it gets worse and if your going to start a new job you need to have a good nights rest it is very important Take Care JJ |
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amandab
said:
| August 29, 2008 | ||
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will he stay or will he go, the only way to find out is to tell him enough is enough,you need to show this man you can live without him,even if this is not the way you feel, then you decide if you want him back or not, not the other way round,you can do it i did,i decided i didnt,its only been four weeks for me,and already feeling more positive about my yes my future,open to lots of possibilitys. good luck. Amanda. |
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