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Aug 26
2008
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Hmmmmm, good bit is I haven't cried since sunday, but having internal wobble. Felt a bit of anger and stuff last night and then just had awful night. Had one of those really vivid dreams about him me and the barmaid, I dreamt he left her and came back to be and she was gutted. Then couldn't settle and had millions of things going around my head. So this morning am very tired and feeling vunerable. I am going to see lots of him this week as he taken week out to see 15yr old. I am just really not sure where my emotions are.
He says he not with her now, but that comes down to trust which I don't now. I know I shouldn't care and just get on and move on but it's like I want to just wake up in a minute and there we all are back to being a family and this was a bad dream.
I think what I find confusing as he doesn't classify her as an affair or that he was unfaithful. He says we were living apart, which is true but we were doing that as we were going back to beginner dating and starting from scratch, we needed to live apart if we were going to make it, there was no mention of runing off with barmaids when we were supposed to be starting our relationship from scratch again, so not sure who is right, I feel devastated, he left working at the marriage for her and kinda forget to tell me...............
I also hate him today in a selfish way, he did a big charity golf thing yesterday, oh isn't everyone bigging up him for it, why the hell isn't everyone saying you complete £$£$%"£ for doing that to your wife???????
It is amazing how lack of sleep knocks how you feel.
I am also just thinking about his 40th on saturday, we are still going out for the day. Yeah I know i should cancel but but am going to be honest with you and say - I want to go, champagne picnic in a beautiful and peaceful area - so you see where my silly little brain is going, yeah I know it stands out a mile. Romantic, fun etc etc etc rekindling of feelings..................I know i shouldn't go but I am, I still love him and need to do it, just to give it that final is there anything salvagable???? I am pretty sure i will be sobbing again as setting myself for a fall by sat night but I just need to do this........I don't know if that makes sense? God knowing my luck he'll cancel and that really will be telling!
xxx
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saffy1968
said:
| August 26, 2008 | ||
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Dear Claire No one can focus properly with no sleep, can you not get your head down for a bit this morning;;;;curl on the sofa and try. Go on that champagne pic nic....I would it sounds lovely and just take one step at a time and dont rush. Lots love Saffy xxx |
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Mneme
said:
| August 26, 2008 | ||
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I agree, perhaps you can enjoy the day for itself and see how you go.. only you know your own heart. Good luck M xx |
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JJ50
said:
| August 26, 2008 | ||
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Fitbird You are such a strengh for everyone here full of great advice and i seen you in action in the chat room your were BRILLIANT. i wish i could help you more, but dont really consider myself to be of much use to anyone these days. The dreams are a bit weird! cant say as i have dreamt of stbx mistress. I do know one thing though which i have first hand knowledge of and that is a lack of sleep is an absolute killer for anyone, it can really affect how you view things, your judgment the lot and this is really not good. You need your sleep, maybe you should see your GP get a bit of temporary help for the sleeping for a while. I say you should go for your picnic, why not, what harm can it do maybe you might come away thinking he is not worth it, who knows anything is possible |
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marriaa
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| August 26, 2008 | ||
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fit. noone can blame you for wanting to give your marriage another chance.you are the only one who will know when enough is enough. Good luck |
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