Getting there - dare I hope?

Well after my self administered kick up the butt it appears to have worked a bit. Writing down everything I have got compared to the downside of losing an idiot who has caused me more hurt than anything ever was great. Still hurting but it made me see life goes on. Shame I wasted so many weeks sobbing and unable to do anything, but I am made of meaty stuff and made the decision yesterday that I have a life to get on with. I know there will be tough days ahead and I accept that but I have a great life and it's going to get better. I know you wiki peeps here to help with the tough days, 19yrs together will take some time to get over.

I even resisted his attempts of woo'ing by text last night (ever the romantic isn't he!!!), he then threatened that if I didn't go have fun (read sex) with him then he would look elsewhere, shows how much he really loves and wants me back doesn't it? So he got told superstyle and I stayed in chat with peeps having fun. I am proud of me, I said to him now I know my own worth I was not taking threats of him finding another (is barmaid out of picture??) and I was worth more than that. I said I loved him still but his threats show he doesn't respect and love me. He also accused me of f*%^ing him around and he thought I was out last night, he's putting all his values and actions on me, just cos he went did that dating barmaid thing he is assuming that is what I will do. Why do I think he going to start being abusive as he sees me move on and get strong?

Ok so then sat awake half the night thinking oh god what have I done? But this morning I don't have the hate and self loathing I had when I begged or crawled to him or gave in to his demands before. I also haven't seen him for quite a few days now which is helpful.

Oh and for a light hearted giggle, I say a really cute man yesterday and he smiled at me then looked up and gave me really lovely big smile, it was that really flirty/surprised/nice smile I haven't seen in ages, my 15yr old started laughing saying he likes the look of you mum - lol!!!! But total blush attack, did smile back, it felt good. It'll be ages before I even want to think about someone else but hey a bit of flirting might be fun!!!

So no tears for 36hrs now and looking forward..........

So as I said Radio Fitbird is playing uptempo now, anyone for a boogie? xxx