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Aug 21
2008
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Hi all.
had to get my thoughts down tonight.
been in floods of tears, just started falling and cudnt stop them, and im usually so stong and together, feels like its not really me.
got email froms sols today saying the affidavit I had done for deemed service had been accepted, (had to do this as he wudnt sign the acknowledgment).
so this is really happening. I feel really sad, and lonely and lost. and the tears fell, tears for the loss of my past life, and fears for the future one.
I am strong, I have coped with loads during may marriage, miscarriages, 2 prem births, house repo, bankruptcy, and two of his short prison sentances, and numerous court apperances for various offences (some serious) and running successful businesses, but i always did it with him by my side.
I got past his last affair with my best freind, but have never trusted enuf to make friends again. tbh he liked it that i was dependant on him to be my husband and best freind,
But this affair has taken both from me, and left my life in tatters. the business went too. I was in such a mess I had a breakdown, but am well on the way to being recovered.
Im always in chat, but peeps say I dont talk about me enuf. so thats a snippet, of my history for u all.
i have 3 great kids, all grown up and independant, so have an empty nest too.
I realise he was controlling and i dont need to be controlled, i need to be wanted for me, with all my faults.
Will i ever find someone to love me, i dont know, but i hope.....
im rambling and sounding sorry for myself now so will stop,
love and hugs to all my wiki family
mish xxx
Comments (24)
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sarah39
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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Mish (((((((((((((((((((Big Hug))))))))))))))))))))))))) You will find someone special. You are a good person. You are a strong person. You will get through this, and we will be there with you every step of the way, because we love you. I'm glad you shared your thoughts with us Mish. You need to let us care for you as much as you care for us. That's what families are for. Sarah xxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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bertie670
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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Mish, sorry you feel this way but I reckon you will feel better to get it all out. No worries that you will find someone at the right time. Bert |
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marriaa
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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Mish you feel like this because the end of your marriage is becoming more real now.You have lost a lot but a little consolation ,you have got us. Look forward to best years to come .and look dehind in fondest memorry of the good times you had, (((((((hugs))))))) look forward to enjoy screaming orgasms again.lol |
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DivaMaggie
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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You are so loved Mish and I count you as my friend. I hate all this stuff that we are both suffering. Its not right, because we are two of the best birds I know. I am an empty-nester as well and I know, that not only have we lost the men we love, but we are struggling to become ourselves now that mother no longer defines us in the way that it did. Can't wait for next summer to meet and have fun with you and you know you are so welcome to visit me anytime once I get situated back home. You are tops mish. You will find so much happiness it will amaze you girl!! | |
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saffy1968
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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Oh Mish You are truly such a special person and have been a total inspiration to me, Im so sorry that I have been ranting and raving at you with all my problems when you have not been sharing yours. All I can say Mish is that you really are a great person to know and a fantastic friend, you are worth so much more than what that scumbag hubbie put you through, like you say tou have 3 great kids...treasure them as im sure they do you too and please take care and im sorry if i have appeared selfish at times by ringing you up at all hours with my problems. Time for you to repay the favour...phone me if you want a rant. Take care and love u lots, I hope this has come out ok as I have had some wine Saffy xxx |
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Young again
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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((((((((((Mish)))))))))) You are who you are. Please do not feel that there is some rule to follow about how much ought to be said about your personal life. Say as much as needs to be said to help yourself or make a difference to a fellow Wikipeep. Love awaits you Mish. Perhaps not in the precise form that you have had or been used to, but having met you and chatted with you over the months, I know that you are a true, caring and worthwhile person, not just WikiPearl to this site, but in the flesh and blood of reality. (((((((((((Mish)))))))))) YA  |
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Shezi79
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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Mish honey... I know you... jeez I've even slept with you......  I know you'll find someone to love you. The question will be will you love him...? It's time you shared some of your troubles with peoplw - you're always there to help peeps with theirs. I know you're strong because I've felt your strength. I know you're trusting because I enjoy your trust. Give yourself time to heal sweetheart. Carry on as you are in the meantime... because you know what? You're doing a hell of a job and you're one of the nicest women I know Big hug Shezi xxxxxxx |
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crazylady
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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Msh, You are a wonderful person,someone who deserves you is out there waiting. Love CL xx |
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smurfy1973
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
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I've not known you long but you have made a great impression on me. YOU are a wonderful caring person with a great future. An absolute treasure! Thank you for being you. x |
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mike62
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Mish, That bloody rollercoaster! Gets us all. Just when we think we are climbing to a peak...whooooooosh... Down we go. Spectacularly. Mish, you are doing great. But even when we think we are 'nearly there', something so minor can just trigger a sadness that makes us feel we are back at square 1 - like snakes and ladders. Big ladder coming up soon in London. Get climbing girl! Mike |
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dawn1
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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I',m sorry you're feeling so low and alone, everyone has these days but that doesnt help I know, all the peeps on here treasure you, because you are such a lovely lady, you are not alone, all of us would be more than happy to rush to your door to cheer you up. I obviously will bring the food, I'm sure some of the others will bring the wine. Blow your nose, wipe your eyes and realise that you deserve more than he was ever going to give and that because you are so very special you could snap your fingers and have countless nice caring wonderful men at your feet. As i never like to pass an opportunity by, I will of course like the food welcome the leftovers. you take care honey and at least now you are on the road to treating yourself to a better life, one you richly deserve. lots of love and hugs dawn xxxxxx |
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Poppie
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Mish, You are always there for everyone else and to read your blog is so upsetting. You are so strong and supportive but you are hurting like everyone else, sometimes we forget this. Mish love will find you when you least expect it so love yourself for now and remember all the people that care and love you for who you are. Looking forward to meeting you mish. Lots of love and big hugs Poppie x |
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mezzie1
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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I too have always had him by my side & stuck with it through thick and thin. Now realise it was me being thick and the respect I got was thin. I have cried buckets and will again. I don't worry now, It is a release of all the emotion and will stop you becoming emotionally repressed. Take time to be you now the kids have flown. They will be glad to see your spirit coming back. Be kind to yourself. |
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Daisy040
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Mishmash.... your blog has bought tears to my eyes this am..... you were there for me right at the start of all this, you've "looked" after me, told me off for drinking too much, not eating enough......but you do that for everyone dont you mish ? yes you are more often that not in chat, looking out for others, cheering everyone up...making sure all the newbies feel welcome and at ease... but you know what ? im so glad you've blogged - Im glad that you felt at ease with us all to write your feelings down...because we are all here for you too mishmash !!!!! please dont ever forget that......we need you as much as you need us...dont forget about you, and your feelings honey..... i really hope you feel even a little better today...you know this time, where we are now will get easier.... take care mishmash... big hugs Daisy xxx |
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determined
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Hi Mish what u are feeling is natural. i thought i was totally sorted with my divorce but its when u have to sort something with the solicitor all the old hurt comes back. i no longer have feelings for my stbx and i expect u don't for urs but it just reminds us we are alone on this journey. but actually we are not and there are people on wiki who can help and do help. you sometimes just need to ask. so big hug on its way. there will be someone for u but when the time is right. for the moment enjoy as u have to get thru all the dances at wiki london yet!! determined |
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jude6168
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Hi mishy So sorry your feeling down ((((((((((((((((big hug)))))))))))))))) You are one of the kindest wiki people and you deserve to find your happiness. Im sure one day you will find someone who sees just what a warm caring individual you are. You are a wiki diamond and we love you for being there for us all. We would love to be there for you too so keep bloging mish!!!! Jude x |
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JJ50
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Oh Mish (((((((((((((((mish))))))))))) Im so sorry you are feeling so down, im sure that one day you will meet someone special who deserves you. You are such a kind and good person you are always there for us so keep writing the blogs so we can be there for you. If nothing else we all have each other. I thank god for you lot here at wiki on a regular basis. Love and Hugs JJ |
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stimo
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Oh Mish, I am so sorry to hear how upset you are, not going to tell you to dry your eyes because i suppose you need to let it out, you are always strong for everyone else and it was inevitable that you would take an emotional tumble of your own. You should know that we are all here for you and in answer to your question about 'will you find someone to love you'? you bet you will girl! and he will be a lucky guy! (Probably when you are least expecting it). Take Care Stimo x |
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Milly1
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Mish ...you're sooooooo loved. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cqZopQM2450&feature=related x |
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anuska
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Dear Mish. You are very strong but it's okay to cry and feel like this. It's another step forward to recovery although it doesn't seem like it at the time when we get so low. I call it getting rid of further baggage. I am glad you shared this as we can support you. On the same token you are supporting us by making us realise we are not alone with these awful up and down emotions. At some point in the future things will get better. We will become stronger for this ghastly experience and hopefully be able to look back with a smile. You will find happiness again and you are a deserving person of this. Lots of hugs for you. Love Anna. xxxx |
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Ninjas have more fun!
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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((((Mish)))) Honey, God I feel so much for you. I was in tears, when I had to do my petition and then affidavit. Who was there for me then, You and the Wiki peeps, but you mainly. You have helped me though so much angst. It is you who has told me and shown me that there is life out there to be found once this is all over. If you can help me so very very much, I hope the I and others on here can do the same for you. You are amazing and strong. It's always easier to see the problem from the outside, not so easy to see or do when you are involved smack in the middle of HELL. I hope the tears have stopped falling today and that you are feeling stronger. You know that if you ever need me I will be there for you. :-) Just remember it is always darkest before the dawn. Just as it is always deepest darkest moments in a divorce before the light and freedom start to pour in. LET THERE BE LIGHT for wonderful beautiful MISH ! ! ! |
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Purple Princess
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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(((((((Mishy))))))))))))))))))) Your blog brought tears to my eyes but not as much as all this love you've had back. Look how special you are! You've been through so much and now and then you're bound to need to collapse! But you'll bounce back. So glad you could share with your wiki friends, perhaps you are moving on further than you thought, after all aren't you starting to trust again already by letting us all in like this? Many hugs and kisses Mishy PP xx |
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Marshmellow
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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Hi hun. I know you have been thru so much and you are a nice person. I know you didnt expect this to happen to you and you have dealt with it very well so far. When one door closes a new one opens hun. You will be ok. One day you will meet someone nice. But put into practice all you have learned. I realy realy hope that you do OK. Nice to have been yr freind. Chris xxxxxxxx | |
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hadenoughnow
said:
| August 22, 2008 | ||
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mish, (((((hug))))) it is good to see you talk about you for once instead of caring for everyone else. We all know how special you are. Shame he doesn'/tdidn't appreciate that. We all do. xxxxxxHadenoughnow . |
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