ENTRY no: 21 Is that what it is all about?

I am confused; it's not that difficult for me to be this way!

You see, when I was with my ex I was miserable, probably 80% of the time, and probably from about year 5, so for most of the time that we were together, well I thought I was.   Before we were married, our relationship was already over, I  knew that she wasn't the one for me,  don't know why I didn't have the guts to say so, would been less difficult then it ended up being, however I would not have had my angels!

All of my close friends are in long term relationships, and none of them are happy well if you look at it this way, they argue, they have cash flow issues, they moan a lot etc.  The only time they are happy is when they are with their children, rest of the time, they are arguing about stuff that didn't use to matter?

The only couple I know who seem to be happy is my brother and sister-in-law, and I think that is because with their 3 boys, they are either working or running around after the boys, for them spending time together is quite rare, so they seem to enjoy it!

I don't know but I have a theory, we are only meant to be together to create life, we cant live with each other too long, as if we do we fall out, well at least until we get older when we  become reliant on partnership to support one another?

My ex and I for the first 5 years or so were best mates, who slept together quite a lot! we moved in together during this time, and it was great until we had to have a different type of relationship, a partnership rather than a shag friendship!

It was during this time that I found out she was no good for me, different views on standards of living, she was/is a slob!  We ended up being engaged and married, then our mission became one that focussed on creating a family, and that brought us together, however her slob like tendencies came to the forefront again, without going into the details, and just one example, she probably has bathed my 8 year old son no more than 10 times his entire life, including the last year where he lives with her most of the time!

So here I am thinking that I miss being in a relationship, but do I, how could I miss her, she made me feel sick with her laziness, we stopped having fun 10 years ago, I have two healthy children, which is a blessing, so what do I miss, based on what my friends tell me, cant be missing much!

Can you really have a relationship with a person for the rest of your life and be happy, I don't know, I would like to think so but could it be just about having children?

Anyway, just a bit of a brain dump, maybe I am just attempting to make some sense of where I am now, and why I am finding it hard to contemplate a new relationship!

GM