|
Aug 20
2008
|
 |
Hello again.
I didn't think I'd be back so soon but just need to write some stuff down so that I can offload.
Just received a phone call from my husband to arrange contact with our son. He is coming this weekend to take him out. That is ok, although, as is becoming the pattern, he has no idea what he is ‘going to do with him'. He then told me that he will be unable to see our son the following weekend because he is away on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of that week as his girlfriend is taking him away for his birthday, and then she is going away on Sunday, so he will want to spend time with her on the Saturday. So what about our son then? He says he could see him on the Monday or the Tuesday afterwards instead. I am not happy about this because I have taken these days as unpaid leave in order to be here for my son before he goes back to school. I am torn. I strongly believe in my son's need for contact with his father but also feel annoyed that this will encroach upon the days I set aside to be with him. I will ultimately give my son the choice & will not stand in the way of him having time with his dad, but I am angry at the timing. Once again, I feel that my husband is putting his needs before our son's.
Sorry for going on. I question myself as to whether I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but I am really very annoyed!
Show/Hide comments
JessieJ
said:
| August 20, 2008 | ||
 |
Hi .... I had much the same dilema just after he left, except in my situation it was always work that meant the plans had to change. I put my foot down and told him that the kids came first, they needed stability and routine and it was about time that he made them the priority. He didnt like it but it worked! They have to learn that whilst you are willing to compromise where possible, they cannot call all of the shots at your expense. Jess |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
loopy1
said:
| August 20, 2008 | ||
 |
no, you are not making a mountain out of a molehill Explain to him that it is not convenient as you have taken unpaid leave, see if he can find another day. We all question ourselves knowing that contact is essential for all but it should not always be at our inconvenience |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
gracie
said:
| August 20, 2008 | ||
|
Hi, I don't think you are making an issue at all. Its so difficult, you go out of your way to ensure your child see's the father at the detriment to any of your own plans and still the father doesn't play ball. It's either designed to frustrate you or he really doesn't care, neither of which should bother you. Just always do your best by your child and you know you will have done the right thing. I have the same sort of issue at the moment. Split from husband in February, he is staying with friends, works shifts. Told me in June to sort the child care arrangements for our 5 year old daughter for the summer holidays as he would need to work his days off. So I did and informed him of two periods in the holidays I had specifically booked as time off (which included a 4 day holiday at end of aug). I made a point of stating back in June that if his circumstances changed I would try to accommodate him seeing our daughter at short notice. He then told me he would be able to have our daughter on all his days off (he has 4 days off in a row). In last 2 weeks he has demanded I he has our daughter at the time my holiday falls as he wants to spend this time with our daughter. I asked him to reimburse me (£200) but he refuses, stating my now partner paid for this (have showed him visa bill/confirmation to prove I paid). He implies I have not allowed him to see our daughter and am keeping her from him and I am not thinking of her, but me.... am I being unreasonable? I don't think what we do will ever be right in their eyes but I can hand on heart say I have ensured our daughter has seen him whenever he has asked, even when I have had to change plans. I still feel that I am the one doing wrong and the many emails I get from him certainly tell me that!!! |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Mummyof2
said:
| August 20, 2008 | ||
 |
No way are you making a mountain out of a molehill. Regardless of what is going on in his life children should come first always. Children don't ask to be stuck in this situation of having their parents living separately. I am in a similar situation my ex seems to think it okay to drop the children at a moments notice to spend time with his mistress. As contact is now going through the courts he has to provide proof of why he is changing contact etc. You do what you think is best. | |
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
starry_eyes
said:
| August 20, 2008 | ||
 |
I sympathise with you. My ex sees the kids when he can be bothered. At first it was every weekend, then every other weekend, and now they will be lucky if they see him once a month. It used to make me so so angry, but it was a wasted emotion and talking to him about it just turned into an argument, so i leave him to it now. Its not fair but not much i can do about it, if hes not man enough to face his responsibilities as a father i cant force him. Hope your husband sorts it out for the sake of your son |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Donnylass
said:
| August 20, 2008 | ||
 |
No, you are not making a mountain out of a molehill-why so many parents suddenly decide it is ok to make the children take second place when they start a new relationship is beyond my comprehension. Divorce is about the ending of the marital relationship, not the parental one-that relationship should be for life in my view. Take care  |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Show/Hide comment form
