Calm returning (about time!!!!!)

I woke this morning and was happy to get up, I wanted to get on with some writing up of my research and even had a quick hoover first. Hmmmmm not felt like this for a long time. Weird, like my brain could take no more!

Had long uppy and downey day yest. Had 15 cases in court as well  (worst fruit loop I have had in long time yest), then had sister over for 2 hours, she needed to off load (both had violent abusive childhood with alcoholic father)  and it brought back many memories so was really sad. Rang stbx as he had wanted me to go over as he wanted fun???!!! Told him to s*d off, told him why. He was pissy then 2 mins later he rang back and said come over for coffee you need a friend. Wow he was so great, talking and supporting me, but ended up in bed but was my choice. Yeah I know what you all going to say but he was just so nice and supportive which was just what I needed, I didn't ask for support from him he offered it.

Hmmmmmm, was confused last night but I don't think it is possible to be soooooo hurt ever again. I am going to finish divorce, be his friend, hopefully not let him take control again, start my new job and see where life goes. I don't know if it would ever work due to trust but would never rule it out. Am going to relate now for solo counselling whcih is great and she is going to help me look at my feelings about him. He just seems to want to come back but then is panicking about if it doesn't work, that is his choice, I can only get the house once!!!! I don't get his emotions, so today not going to worry about them, his problem, I have my own:-)

But anyway this morning after everything i woke in this calm and slightly surreal state. I have got more done today than in ages and it's not even eleven yet. Not sure why I feel like this but happy I do. Such strange emotions these days. So off to transcribe some of my interviews so i can start to analyse them, so behind on it all. Needs to be finished before i start new job in Oct - oops!!!

xxx