|
Aug 18
2008
|
daily struggles..Posted by britgirl01 in money and finances, breaking up, being single |
 |
This is so unlike me....sharing my innermost fears and feelings of failure, but I feel inadequate at the moment and am crying as I write this.
My ex husband left me in January 2002, with three kids currently aged 13,12 and 9. He had another child in November 2002 and divorced me in October 2005.
He has irregular contact with the children and hasn't paid any child maintenance since January 2008, prior to this he paid £200 pcm.
My standard of living has dropped considerably since the break up, the children often go without and my debts often go unpaid. It is so so hard just to get by some months, and yes I do work, have an annual salary of 33k actually. But rented accommodation, cost of 3 children and household bills are a lot for 1 parent.
I feel inadequate and guilty that my kids are living the way we are. Its not their fault and yet they are paying emotionally and practically. I feel some days that I am a failure as a mother when there's no food in the house or they have cereal for dinner. They love me so much and seem to understand, but its painful for me.
My ex husband is in a new relationship however, has bought a house with her, has regular holidays with her, and criticises me often.
I dislike him immensley......I dislike the fact that he has had such a negative impact on my life, I dislike the fact thatI have sole financial responsibility for my children, and I dislike the fact that I dislike him so much. I find it hard to comprehend that an absent parent can so easily walk away with little regard for the welfare and well being of their children, that goes against everything I believe in.
Recently I went on a date, and the guy had the audacity to tell me that were it not for my kids, he would love to have a relationship with me.......not surprisingly we havent split bread since.......but the fact remains that my life altered when my ex left....and the ongoing day to day difficulties are making it bloody hard to forgive and forget.
I feel better for having a read of other blogs, and am so glad I found this website.
thanks for reading
Show/Hide comments
Rasher
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
 |
I can completely relate to this Britgirl and though I am normally quite a positive person this issue niggles me currently. Like you I am divorced and through all that but the reality that I am responsible solely for the well being and all provision for these children is at times overwhelming. I dont want to be the cross or bitter person but very real things in my life have changed because of whats happened including my career and earning capacity. I am determined to rise above this - not quite sure how - but theres got to be a way!! So I know how you are feeling and I recognise its very hard. Many children have come from these sort of difficult circumstances and achieved far more in their life than pampered kids - they will learn alot from your example. Not much more I can say cos theres nothing to change this except you are not alone. Rasherx |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
fish6
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
 |
i think you are doing fantasticaly brits hang in there we all here for all of us wiki been like a brick for me so many luvly peeps on here male and female its allmost like a breath of fresh air when you cant breath stick with wiki and you will be fine take care ....kev (fish 6) | |
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
downbutnotout
said:
| August 19, 2008 | ||
 |
Recently I went on a date, and the guy had the audacity to tell me that were it not for my kids, he would love to have a relationship with me I'm not sure that you should be too tough on a guy for being honest and saying this. It is a huge responsibility for someone to take on a serious relationship with someone who has a ready made family - and its not for everyone. |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Goodman01
said:
| August 19, 2008 | ||
 |
Brit, Yes its is horrible, when on face value one person gets to move on, financially stable, with what appears to be a better life, but you have your children, they are worth more than any holiday, new house etc..... To keep your head above water, with three children and full time work is hard, you must be so strong, dont worry about the date you have to kiss a lot of frogs and all that... GM |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
marriaa
said:
| August 19, 2008 | ||
|
Hi Brit, You have got less to manage than what you already have.You have done 6 yrs on your own but in the next 6 yrs your children will be more help.19 and 18 hopefully will be financially less dependent on you .even if they go to uni . The fifteen yr old one will be selfcaring . You will be free and financially better off then you will have your pick of partner. The pride of raising your family single handedly will more than compensate for what you are going through now. Never compare your life with x,he is rich in money but poor in the love of his children. Being step parents is a very hard job so do not feel too bad ,I would consider this situatio twice too.Your children are better off with you on your own for now. Big HUGS |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
bertie670
said:
| August 19, 2008 | ||
 |
I am interested in the comments here. I am not judging in anyway but can I ask if those mothers that have ended up with residence fought hard for that or did the fathers just disappear? If that is what you wanted ie children residing with you, then it seems wrong to complain that your ex now has a greater freedom. Hope this doesn't seem unfair. I say this because I want full involvement with my children on a shared basis and can hear the moaning now that she does it all while I am enjoying myself. How can I enjoy myself without regular contact with my children? Bert |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Rasher
said:
| August 19, 2008 | ||
|
In my case Bertie I wanted shared care - I wanted him to live nearby and be fully involved with kids - he never would put his kids before his job he felt that wasnt his role. This was one of the reasons the marriage broke down - he wanted kids but didnt want the responsibility. I know 50:50 rarely works so someone has to do the larger share, but just to pick them up a couple of evenings a week doesnt feel too much to ask - this isnt so I can go shopping this is so I can work and earn the money that pays the bills. If I received maintenance I wouldnt be so irritated by it but hes never paid since he left - thats whats doubly unfair. So I relate to BG |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
britgirl01
said:
| August 20, 2008 | ||
 |
thank you all so very much for your supportive and encouraging comments...it means a lot to me. xx |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
griffj
said:
| August 21, 2008 | ||
 |
Oh my goodness Britgirl you are doing fantastically well. Can I ask a stupid question? Is the children's father not obligated to pay maintenance via the CSA? Also, always remember, at the end of the day, there will come a time when their father will look himself in the mirror and the weight of how he has behaved will weigh heavily upon him. At leasty you can hold your head up high, knowing that you are behaving with honesty and respect - at least that's what's keeping me going, as well as this gr8 website of course | |
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Show/Hide comment form
