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Aug 18
2008
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Well, the loneliness is still there but the depression is clearing. I am now managing to work and to focus on a solution instead of drowning in the glooms!
I have decided to move to London to put some distance between me and my ex. If I don't, then she will continue to torture me and reel me back in every time it looks as if I am moving on. The downside is that I will be a long way from my children. But I can't stay here! My life is in London in every way. I know people there for one thing! Also, I can get my career back on track as it was all but destroyed when my ex started her internet affairs. So that is the plan today. My children are still away in Ukraine with their mother until Sep 1st. Last night she finally wrote me an email to give me some 'news' about the kids. It was short and not sweet. I won't reply I think. Usually I would reply straight away to any email from her but that too has to stop. I have lost her and now she has lost me. She should have lost me in January but I stubbornly held on for dear life. Yes, it was a mistake but that is with hindsight. What can we do other than fight to save our marriages? But you have to know when to stop fighting and I think that time is here now. It was always going to be a losing battle. It's funny how you come to accept more and more though! For example; I took my children on holiday about a month ago in a caravan. She used the opportunity to go camping in Scotland with a man! And I would STILL have taken her back!! Nuts I know. I am learning though. I think it wasn't just her though; I just wanted to live with my children. But at any price? Well, that's blind love for you.
Andy
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findingmyself
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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hi buxtonman It is a huge emotional turnabout to go from saving a marriage despite the hurt, to letting it go and starting to protect yourself from further pain. You will know you did all you could. When i started creating some emotional distance, not jumping to reply to e-mails etc, my stbx, a champion of freezing out , started whinging about how much he didn't like it! Hold fast! finding |
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Poppie
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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hi buxtonman There comes a time when you have to let go to save yourself. There is only so much hurt and pain a person can take and I think you have probably reached that stage. You did not give up without trying and you must remember that. I found it easier to have as little contact as possible with ex from the beginning and as difficult as it was it helped me get through those early months. Take care, Poppie |
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Mockingbird
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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Hi buxtonman - really feel what you are going through - I am same stage - been trying since Jan to make it work but he now has given up and i see that what I was really fighting for was the person he was and the relationship we had before he broke it - not the relationship now which is horrid. We all must know when the time is right to walk away - but i understand what its like to know this and still want everything to go back to how they were - even after all the sh*i they put us through. So stay strong and lets hope everyone is right and hurt does go over time Mockingbird x |
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fitbird
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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Hey Andy, It is tough for us. Mine is refusing to let me move on by doing in the reeling in everytime he thinks i am getting stronger, just blogged myself again as he still doing it. We do so much for love but it's just not enough for them. We will all get there and move on amd have beter lives. I am glad you made a decision re' moving, it sounds positive. Clairexxx |
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LittleBlue
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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buxtonman I tried from January till May to save my marriage, even though my wife had cheated on me whilst pregnant with our first child  Through blind love I tried to hang on, and the pain in further rejection was unbearble and it was the saddest time of my life. I knew if I let go I'd lose her and my new baby daughter, but the hurt was literally killing me. So I let go, moved on and am in a better place now. Yes it hurts to have limited contact with my daughter, but I have other things in my life now. I am glad you have made your decision, and in time the hurt will go I too wondered why I wanted my wife back after what she did, so I know where you are coming from. Well done for being brave enough to make the decision you have. Once the fog has cleared, you will see that you have done the right thing. |
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DivaMaggie
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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Sounds to me like you have come to the letting-go part. It is the most difficult part of the whole process I think. I loved my ex with all my heart and when he walked out the door on the 7th of this month, I thought my heart would break. It sounds as if you are making some positive choices for yourself. I too will be moving 3,000 miles away from him in a couple of weeks and I am terrified. I wish you all the best with the positive choices you are making. Maggie x |
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Goodman01
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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So Buxt, Heres the thing, once you have accepted that your relationship is no good, and you have worked out how you can live in somewhere other than the family home, you have to jump two feet into it. No use holding out for something that shouldnt happen, get back with her I mean, not after what she did..... The next chapter of your life, is not one that you had planned for, but now you have turned the page, the pen is in your hand, use it well! GM |
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buxtonman
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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Thanks for all your comments. I really appreciate it Andy |
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jude6168
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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Hi Andy Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I too like you should have let go along time before I did. Even after the affair I tried for a year or more to right things on my own. I too have found the strength to finally let go and think about my future. It?s a hard place to get to but I think like me you are finally at that point. The hurt doesn?t go away but the light at the end of the tunnel looks a little brighter. (or is that ruby?s daz white sheets.lol) (((((((hugs))))))))) Jude x |
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Daisy040
said:
| August 18, 2008 | ||
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hi andy.. im sorry you've had a hard time lately....even though you now everyones going through the same, it doesnt make it any easier... you have a new start in london, its home i guess ?? your little ones might be miles away in life but not in yours or their hearts hun !! heres hoping things start working out for you !! big hugs daisy xx |
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