Anniversary and separation

Today is our 29th anniversary.  The week leading up today has not been good to say the least.  My wife who is intent on leaving me, wants to stay 'friends'.  I'm having difficulty trying to stay within this boundary.  We are still living under the same roof, but separate...house mates at least until we have some other issues taken care of...

This summer, she had an accident in which she broke her nose and requires surgery now.  This can't happen until some healing occurs, and she gets a referral to a plastic surgeon.  So, she knows that I'll take care of her, and wants to remain close by.  (I want much more than this platonic relationship)  I want to commit again to a couple's relationship.  She however wants her freedom.

When I think of possible other relationships she may cultivate, I see red.  I've never felt so emotional before in my life.  I realise now that I need to see a physician and planning to make an appointment this week.  Should I be so lucky to get in....I've also found a lump in my groin which needs some attention but I have also not told anyone as yet....I think that the Dr. will deal with it, then I'll let my wife know.

A lot of my turmoil right now is this new relationship we're supposedly building.  Before the separation discussions, we of couse enjoyed conjugal meetings.  But now, I feel as I have no right to see her.  She is very attractive, and certainly gets me going.   I am very unsure of my self in this area now.  So I've decided not to persue her...is this a mistake?  Would she misconstrue this as I am not interested in her?  But its not the case..

Over the years she's had a number of health issues which often had gotten in the way of our sex life.  We would might 'get lucky' for 1 week out of the month.  I got use to being told that's she's not well....so I guess I found that I did not put forth much of an effort.  (We've actually not discussed this)

My daughter is leaving for university in 2 weeks and we've been getting her ready for the big move.  She's packed up all her belongings with hopes that at the end of term she will also find an appartment of her own.  So as things transpire, I will be alone.  If the timetable goes as predicted, Christmas will be anything but merry.  In the area, my wife family but I do not.  Nor to feel as if I want to spend time with her family.  There's just a lot of things happening. 

You previous advice about the files, helps to organise and keep things in perspective, but this process really hurts.  I had been on face book but I ahve resolved yesterday to leave it.  I found that my wife had been collecting photos of 'rivals'.  Red again.  I couldn't stand it any longer, soooo I leave it.  Its as if I'm a yoyo, up and down, but the tricks are not predictable.  While exerising on the treadmill I found my self in tears before I could pull it together again....Is this a normal response?  If find myself questioning what I'm doing, how I respond etc.

Please forgive my rambling...I've still not told my friends or family as yet that we are separating.  However her family are all in the know.  I'm feeling quite alone.

Enough already. Thank you for the opportunity to ramble...it helps.  Good night all!