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Aug 14
2008
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Yesterday I was so shocked. Numb and very depressed after my day in court. There are some great people on here and your comments to my blog, your words of comfort in Chat and PM all helped me so much - thank you to you all.
I got up this morning and thought "right you can either take this lying down and let them win OR you can get up and survive" I chose the latter. My girls need me.
I have sought new legal advise today and take comfort in the advise that it is very very unlikely that I will go to prison. I will be banned for 12 months though, maybe 15 but we'll focus on 12.
I'm accepting the consequences of my actions, harsh though they are. My biggest regret is the impact it will have on my children. Losing my licence for a year is going to be a complete logictical nightmare - but not impossible. Expensive - but not impossible. Not pleasant - but (you got it) not impossible.
I need to stay focused and practical. Hey! with the petrol prices rising, I might even find it cheaper - and if I cycle to work I should get very toned. By the time I'm ready to date again, I'll be hot stuff!!
I think my husband is feeling very guilty. He gave a statement to the police against me, supporting his mistress, but I think the outcome has shocked him too. He has said he will help out anyway he can. He has agreed to take the girls to school most days and to help pay towards taxis to get them home. He's offered to get the girls to their piano & riding lessons, and run them to and from friends houses when he can. I think we may possibly see more of him now then before - I'm sure the mistress won't be happy with that.
God it's going to be hard. I've had a car for 21 years, going back to buses, trains, push bike is not my idea of fun - but it is only for 12 months and I will survive. Hate the fact I have to pay the mistress conpensation. Think she should compensate me for the distress and misery she had caused me and my children.
I hope there is such a thing as Karma and I hope it hurts. (sorry that wasn't very nice was it)
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GeJay
said:
| August 14, 2008 | ||
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Fantasic attitude Sarah! With an attitude like that and the power of a mother s love you can ,and will, move mountains ! You are insperational !!!! GeJay |
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Petrof
said:
| August 14, 2008 | ||
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Sarah, that sounds so much more positive than yesterday. You should be proud of yourself!!! I do drive but find driving scary and so chose not to drive. I use public transport only and cycle a lot. It really does not bother me and our boys got used to using public transport years ago, because their father was so often difficult to take them anywhere. (But I live in London and the public transport is really good here and free for children!) I am sure your hsbnd feels guitly about your accident and so he should. I think he just started to realise what some of the consequenses of his actions are. And maybe it will help him to see other side of his mistress, especially if she trying to turn him against you. But be careful, do not put yourself in a vulnerable position. I put my hopes up several times and then got repeatedly hurt. Just think about it, would you really be able to start again with him after all he did to you and your family. When I took him back, and we went out on a few occasions, I found it very uncomfortable, I had many flashbacks of things he did to me and said to me and I know I could never trust him again. And any relationship without trust is doomed. But that is my opinion anyway. Please, stay positive, but be careful. Petrof |
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bertie670
said:
| August 14, 2008 | ||
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Well done - really positive. Cycling for a year will be great for you and as cars are so expensive you might save a bit. Hope the children can be helped by their dad. However, you might not get such a harsh sentence, perhaps suspended if ex puts in a good word and you are really grovelling/repentant? Who knows. Good luck. |
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sarah39
said:
| August 14, 2008 | ||
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Thank you GJ, Petrof and Bertie, You have been really good support. Your words mean so much. GOT to share this - BUT before you all shout at me - I am NOT thinking that this is the start of a reconciliation. Been there so many times over past year and each time my dreams / hopes are shattered it hurts even more. So I promise I'm not making that mistake. In fact I think I'm taking some sort of sadistic pleasure from it. OK - Husband came round tonight, not planned. Phoned to see if he could come and see girls. I said it was ok. He came round about 6pm, then cooked us all tea! We then all ate together. We haven't done that since he left, for the last time, in May. He then helped me tody kitchen, put girls to bed and settled down to watch tv with me! Has only just gone! So where is mistress? Has she gone out for evening and he has time on hands, or is she home waiting for his return? I am getting a very strong feeling that things aren't going well for them. Is this the Karma I've been waiting for? Promise I'm not taking him back though. xx |
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Goodman01
said:
| August 15, 2008 | ||
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Sarah I have only just read through your blog, it seems that you really are going through it and you must have had a really rough time. I hope you don?t mind me saying, but it seems to me that you are still in a place where you care about your husband, what his is doing with his mistress, and the type of contact that he has with you. This is a dangerous place, one where you, despite what you say, are still in a position where he could hurt you. Maybe it?s me, but you need to protect yourself from these feelings, I didn?t want to end my marriage, I had too, and once we had agreed to split, I forgot about my feelings towards her. When you accept your split, you wont care about karma or whether or not he feels guilty, it doesn?t make any difference, even if he does get what is coming to him it wont matter to you, do you get what I am saying, only when you feel this way can you really say that you are free? I know that this sounds cold, and it is, but if I didn?t feel this way, then she could still hurt me, and that would mean that all of this has been for nothing, or maybe I am just fooling myself! GM |
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Petrof
said:
| August 15, 2008 | ||
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HI, Sarah, I know it must feel good but if the mistress will get out of picture it might be a good idea to take it like an opportunity to separate peacefully, without the pressure and pain of presence of the third person. I know I would welcome that, because I think it would make him focus on what remained from his family rather then himself and her against the remains of his family. Last night I stayed over at my female friends with my younger son. His father rang him this morning inquiring where we are. I could hear from his voice that he is not happy that we did not sleep at home. It did give me a moment of satisfaction but now I think, who cares. It is none of his business and he certainly has no right to pry into my private life. Just stay strong and remember, it is your and your girls future that is important now and it might not necesserily be future with him. Petrof. |
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