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Aug 14
2008
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My journey to sanityPosted by Petrof in his new woman, being single, accepting its over |
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Hi,
My first blog. Trying to determine where I am on my journey to sanity.
I accepted my marriage is over. That was not that difficult, I guess I did not love him for a long time and neither did he. But I will always maintain that the way he got out of this marriage was the most cowardly and selfish, absolutely no consideration for his children. That is why I still wish he suffered and his new relationship did not work out. I know that is a negative feeling that is holding me back and hopefully , one day i will feel indifferent to what is happening with him.
I am very nearly accepting that from now on I will have an incomplete family. That is something that I find very hard. I always wanted to have a father for my children - a complete family was my dream. Father who IS there for them, always. Now he has moved out to live with somebody else, it is not physically possible to be there for them. Last week he could have given my son a lift to his friend's house, but he was not here for him. My son cycled instead and got robbed - a very bad experience. But I am glad to know that he feels bad about it and is aware that he let him down, as he put his own wants before those of his family.
The biggest problem to deal with at the moment is HER. Coming to terms with another woman in his life, in my children's life and in his family life. Feeling of being replaced. Also I do not want to feel I am the 2nd best because I am NOT the second best. I am slowly getting my confidence back and feel occassionaly good about myself. I have started to remember my self -worth. But then any mention of her from the mouth of my children or his parents is still like a knife in my stomach.
I am trying to be positive and think of every one of these set backs rather like a new step forward in the healing process. Something like next time I feel low, it will not be as low as the time before and it will not last so long.
I am not drowning anymore.
I had my first session with the hypnotherapist and it was good. It helped in some areas that we focused on. Next session I would like to deal with the issue of HER. That is the most painful one at the moment. I am looking forward to that.
P
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sarah39
said:
| August 14, 2008 | ||
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Hi Petrof, Your story mirrors mine in lots of ways. My husband chose the cowardly way out. I'm beginning to accept that the marriage is over, although I think I do still love him. Like you I always cherished the fact that we were a family unit. I don't want to be a single parent, I don't want to split the important occasions such as Christmas and birthdays between. BUT the biggest paralle between us is the feeling towards the other woman. I hate her. I've never hated anyone before - but I hate her and just hope there is such a thing as karma. So far my children haven't met her, but it makes me sick to think they will. It upsets me so much to think of her sitting in my place at his parents table. Sleeping in my side of their spare bed, Silly things I know, but they eat away at me. I'm not even sure she's met his parents yet, but I'm assuming she has. Unfortunately I have behaved very badly towards her - I hit her car with mine! And now I'm facing the reprocussions. How silly of me to give her a weapon to use against me! And I have now lost the respect of my in-laws. I'm glad you're feeling stronger and that you are staying so positive. It is hard - it's like swimming in the sea, sometimes it's calm and fun, other times we get washed over by waves and pulled backwards by the undercurrent. stay strong. sarah xx |
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Iwillbeok
said:
| August 15, 2008 | ||
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Hello Petrov. I understand how you are feeling. My husband moved in permanently with his girlfriend less than a week ago & I am aware that, at some stage, my son will go to meet her & will stay with them at her house, over 200 miles away. To be honest, the thought of this kills me. The only thing that makes this bearable is my belief that my son needs to have a relationship with his father, & that, in order to do so, this will have to happen sometime. But, of course, it doesn?t mean I am comfortable with it - just the thought of it sickens me to my core. At the moment, my son is unwilling to meet my husband?s girlfriend, but I know that his feelings will change. When he is ready, I will have to be gracious & put my feelings aside. I?ll probably come on here & scream about it though!! I hold on to the belief that no one can take the place of a mother. You say you are not 2nd best, & you are right! Best Wishes Iwillbeok |
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