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Aug 11
2008
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My husband came round to collect our girls yesterday. He was so different...
Previously he has been very 'closed', very business like or deliberately hurtful, mentioning his mistress and his new life. All of this is so out of character of the husband I knew and loved, a complete personality change.
Yesterday he came in, was very chatty. Wanted to know all about our holiday. (The children and I have just retuned from a week in France). Sat down and had a cuppa and we started to reminisce about past family holidays.
He has been so unkind during the past 12 months, behaving as if he hated me. (even though he is the one to have had an affair ,leave home and move in with his mistress). The change yesterday promoted me to ask if he ever looked back on our marriage with good memories. He admitted that he often did and even admitted that he missed our marriage!!!
I expected him to finish his tea, collect the girls and go out for the day, but he didn't. Instead he stayed, played games with the girls and me! Helped me get lunch ready and spent the rest of the day with me and the girls.
He didn't even go once the girls went to bed, but stayed for a good hour or so after. In the end I was the one who suggested he went as I wanted an early night.
What does this mean? Are the cracks beginning to show in his new relationship? Has he finally 'woken up' and realised what he has left behind?
I have been caught out before. Many times in the past 12 months I've thought we might be getting back together, then the mistress would appear again. Each time I would be left feeling more hurt and rejected than the time before. This time I feel stronger. I'm no longer hopeful that this is a sign that he is returning. I miss my husband and would love to have my old life back again, but the man that spent the day with us yesterday was a hologram of that man. My old life is dead. It's time to build a new one.
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marriaa
said:
| August 11, 2008 | ||
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Hi Sarah, I am glad you had a nice day.Be careful do not be second best.Twelve month is long time,if comes back you might find that now he intrudes in your new life but it is better for the children whenn you both get on. good luck |
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JessieJ
said:
| August 11, 2008 | ||
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Sarah, Im glad for you because you seem sensible in your approach. You are happy and confident with your girls... Me and my kids going on holidays without my ex seems like an impossibility! It is nice to know that you can get on, it is ultimately better for the children but be careful not to let him again break the heart that you have invested so much time and care putting back together. |
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Rasher
said:
| August 11, 2008 | ||
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Maybe hes worried about those bank statements Sarah !! Dont trust this too much - remember theres a third party floating about and he hasnt taken responsibility yet for all that he has done. Because you have been civil and the adult, he has probably had to face up to facts - he broke the marriage. A year is long enough for a new relationship to lose its gloss. He's reaching the stage where he doesnt know what he wants - be careful not to get sucked in. Keep going as you have been and make him own his actions, you are in for an interesting time. PS - if you feel like a little gloat I wouldnt blame you  |
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Petrof
said:
| August 11, 2008 | ||
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Sarah, good on you. I am glad that you are not falling for it anymore. The trust is not there and sorry, but I don't think it would ever work again. As Rasher says, don't trust too much and don't get sucked in. But I would definitely enjoy my moral victory. Petrof |
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griffj
said:
| August 12, 2008 | ||
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Have just discovered this website and I can say, how timely it is. I've been married 9 years, but H left 2.5 years ago without any reason. He was absolutely adamant that he wasn't seeing anyone and last week he tells me that he can't have our daughter for Sat night because he'll be on holiday with his girlfriend of 3 years (even before our daughter was conceived). Sarah39 you've written the same things that I am feeling. My H is not the man I married but I can't help feeling that the girlfriend is with the lovely, kind, sensitive and funny guy I fell in love with. My head is spinning with it all. | |
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crazylady
said:
| August 12, 2008 | ||
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Your last paragraph sums it up.You have moved on now and are creating a better life for yourself,. Take Care. CL xx |
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sarah39
said:
| August 13, 2008 | ||
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Thanks all - but today I feel such a fraud. I haven't been coping that well at all have I? I haven't behaved responsibily. If you read my latest blog all understand why. But I really did think I was on the road to acceptance and recovery! |
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