WHY

Posted by lifesolong in money and finances, feeling sad and alone, feeling down, depression loneliness, dealing with emotions, bad day

If only we knew what was round the corner of our lives,you could plan things, not make stupid mistakes, do things better, less exciting i know, but, in hindsight,ifs and buts and all that rubbish,i certainly would of written different things in my last blog,let me explain, this time last week ,i was feeling ok just back off hols, just feeling a bit lonely. 24 hours later, shopping in morrisons with my daughter, my life decides that i should have a heart attack,right by the tills, not the greatest place,so anyway,i get rushed off to the hospital, they stick thislittle metal tube in to my blocked artery,scoop out the blockage,hey presto im still alive. SO i spend the next 6 days in hospital thinking, hey im "ALIVE" better than being dead........... right, so saturday 9th august 2008 should be the first day of the rest of my life....................................right. I GET BROUGHT HOME my 2 daughters decide that they want to go have dinner with their mum (this is the bitch that drove meto a heart attack in the first place, and they both agree with me) and my son decides he wants to sleepover round his cousins.So i think its just me,well let me just say this if i knew how this was going to turn out, i would of prefered to die on the floor in morrisons!!!!!!!! I know what your thinking right now, but your wrong, my life sucks,it was bad enough before when i thought my kids cared, but now, whats left, just worrying about worrying in case i have another attack, taking lots of drugs,oh and i packed up fags and smoking dope,just in case it kills me!!!!!!!!!!!!! So no friends, kids who only care about themselves,no getting stoned to ease the drudgery. I HAVE ABOUT £3000 in the bank, what do you suggest i do,run out into the town, draw it all out, give it to strangers, then jump in front of a bus, or maybe take myself to a hooker and blow it on her (that would make 2 people happy?) or just go away, leave the kids with their mum, blow the money on me, then jump in front of a bus, tricky hey!i just know that hanging around means just the same old s..t I dont know what im gonna do,but tacking this crap aint part of the plan. I dont know if i will write another blog,i dont know if i will see what anyone comments,does it really matter,i am just a billy nomates plain and simple.TA 4 reading,who knows??????????????????????????????.

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madpoodle said:

August 10, 2008
		Blimey, when the sh*t hits the fan in your house it takes no prisoners! Here's the thing, you've all (you and the kids) had a really really big shock. Your way of dealing with it is to give up fags, etc. Your kid's way of dealing is to run to their Mum. They're scared and don't know what to do, your older and wiser and would have handled things differently then they have. They are young, love you very much but don't know how to handle things. Mum's place at the moment is safe, your place is scary because they desperately don't want to lose you but can't do anything pratical to help. Please don't write them off as not caring, they do, they just don't know what to do. Look after yourself, and please keep blogging so we all know how you're doing. Mad x

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JessieJ said:

August 10, 2008
		I know what you mean about taking the 'easy' way out .... except it's not. I've thought about the bus way out too..... but couldn't live with myself for the next eternity knowing that I've left those that I love, clearing up my mess and dealing with it cos I couldnt!! That would make me as bad as my ex is! As I've just written in my blog, no-one knows whats round the corner or what life has in store ... some good stuff and at the moment lots of crap! I think you should think how lucky you are. You survived the latest round of crap, you are home and you are getting well. Thats a positive in a sea of negatives. Maybe you survived for a reason ... maybe, just maybe, theres something good lurking round the corner... you just need to keep looking for it.