My first blog

Posted by scousegirl in my story, counselling or therapy, breaking up

Am having a series of firsts at the moment - first blog, first time on wikivorce,first time away from daughter etc. Have been married 10 years- not happily for most of them - the marriage was never what i expected it to be. Finally got fed up of trying to be what my husband expected me to be and making myself ill (depression) and told him it was over 3.5 weeks ago. Am still living in family home and therefore absolutely skint. Husband and daughter both on school hols, while im at work, so she spending week there, and weekends with me.So many things to worry about at the moment - money, missing my daughter,whether my husband will persuade her she wants to live with him. Am fed up of being upset at work and not being able to concentrate. Also finding out who my friends really are. a few have told me they cant believe how i fooled them over the years, and that im obviously a good actress, as they had no idea i was unhappy. It wasnt really difficult to tell - several months off work with depression was a pretty big clue, never going out, spending money or doing anything i enjoyed might also have been signs! But those comments hurt - i consider myself an honest person just doing what we all have to do - putting a smile on my face and getting on with it.

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marriaa said:

August 08, 2008
		scouse, it is going to be very hard.These remarks I am sure were not meant to hurt you.None advertise what goes on behind close doors.Others just do not know how to react in situation like this. I would not worry about your daughter,she will be happy for a while but it will never be her home.mothers are special in a child life very rarely a child would chose to stay with dad rather than mum at this age.you will get a lot of support here.I must admit I was not very sympathetic to people who were going through divorce but now I understand so do not take how others react or say too personally.will be watching for you in chat.

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mike62 said:

August 09, 2008
		scousegirl, When you are already very unhappy, anything said by anyone is often taken negatively. As Maria says, your friends didn't mean to offend. Unless you have been to that dark place that is the breakdown of a relationship, you really have no idea of the pain and hurt that is felt. Finding yourself at WIkivorce is definitely a step in the right direction on your road to recovery. People here understand your disappointment, your anger, your frustration. We are who we are - What You See Is What You Get - WYSIWYG. Your husband seems to think that he is beyond comment and perfect. None of us are. Just some are better at convincing others. 3.5 weeks is very early days. I am sure you are feeling very raw, very weepy and insecure at the moment. But you have a whole pile of new friends here that know exactly where you are emotionally right now. Use the site to understand that you are not alone. Head into the chat room and talk to others about your situation. Sometimes a bit silly in there, but you will have a lorra lorra laughs with people. Welcome to your recovery from all of this. Be kind to yourself - you're worth it Mike

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lyndamac said:

August 09, 2008
		scousegirl , come on now I am a scouser too . Tell me this were is your sense of humour coming from Liverpool, get your glad rags out put some music on in the house whilst you are dust busting and look for the better things in life. This is the beginning of a new life . There have been some positive role models in my past mostly they come from Liverpool. I hope you will not be over sensitive to these comments I have posted they are sent to pick you up . Look they have parties on here bashs up in London put your name down for 1 let your hair down and have some fun, Most of all start living the life you now want to . Lyndamac

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dawn1 said:

August 09, 2008
		Hi, people want to believe that everything is fine with their friends marriage, they dont want to look too closely as that might make them look more closely at theirs. dont take offense it is just one of those things, one of my friends couldnt believe it but others said about bloody time. some dont want to upset you more by telling you that they thought you should of done it years ago, to most it seems rude and they might be worried that you could take it the wrong way so go for the easy option, i didnt know you were unhappy saying. enjoy your freedom and well done for making that brave decision to call it a day. kind regards dawn

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Dadsrus said:

August 10, 2008
		Scousegirl, After more than 20 years of marriage we were not in a good place and we finally agreed to do counselling together. This brought out lots of personal stuff that had been there for years. I really valued this since it helped us both to validate that splitting up was the right course for us. I hope all goes well for you. Dadsrus