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Aug 08
2008
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Well, it's been 3 days since my last confession .... sorry ..... Blog!
Dont really know how I feel today ..... bit muddled to be honest. I've had a bit of a 'spat' with him over the last couple of days but woke up this morning to a text that was very nearly an apology!
I saw my Counsellor yesterday, this was only my first real appointment but I do think she is going to be helpful. I dont know how to accept its over and dont know how to move on. I'm hoping she can lead me down that path.
She told me not to expect too much, when you have loved someone for 22 years, feelings dont change overnight. She said I should expect it to fade gradually and it could take 1/2 the time I loved him to stop loving him!! (Oh good ..... 11 more years of this then!!! )
I also feel like Its only me thats accepting my part in the demise of our marriage.. he walked out because he no longer loved me and I'm the one apologising to him for the 'little' things that contributed to it and by little things i will give you an example .....
We bought a puppy, and he just loved to get hold of an empty crisp bag the kids (or me ..or him!) had left lying around. He would then lick it to death before destroying it. This was never a problem for me ... but it used to irritate it him and although I knew it, didnt take on board that it could ruin my life!! I simply used to pick up the debris and put it in the bin. He has now told me that this made him feel undervalued and disrespected. I apologised and then thought ....hold on a minute, what about the 'used' cotton buds you left laying around in the bathroom ... I never left you because of something as petty as that.
He has left me, his two wonderful children (who now have no contact with him)and our home to move into a rented house because he no longer loves me and this is the only tangiable reason he could give me.
I know in the grand scheme of things, this is only an excuse and not a reason but can't help wondering if I had taken it more seriously would we have ended up here?
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Petrof
said:
| August 09, 2008 | ||
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HI, I got many petty comments too. One of them was watching the Simsons with our son too much- we both liked it and had a great laugh. He hates the program and apparently made him feel lonely. Well, I did not like football that he is obsessed with and I decided to watch it with him and now really enjoy it - but his comment was that it does not feel right to watch it with a woman???? He also said that I expected him to do some repairs at home or at least earn enough money to pay somebody to do it. Because none of it happened, at the end of the day I learnt to do most of it and just got on with it. Apparently that made him feel inadequate - well, I certainly was in a no win situation there!!! At first I also thought that maybe I should have taken this more seriously but now? No way. I am looking forward to see when his new partner will find out what he is like and how she is going to be dealing with these issues (for example, she might not mind to eat from dirty dishes instead of asking him to try to rewash the dishes because they were still greasy when he ocassionally did wash up, as I did. Or she might be quite happy to wash it again after him! Good luck to her!) |
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dawn1
said:
| August 09, 2008 | ||
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now come on, a crisp packet is why i left you after 22 years, i dont bloody think so. the problem is that most people who leave their marriage dont really know what they want or why they want to leave, just that they feel life would be better for them on their own. they will lie, cheat, blame themselves or you but they hardly ever tell you the truth as to why they are leaving. sorry if this sounds blunt but having your husband say that is the reason is not good enough if it was so bad why didnt he sit down and talk to you about it, as you say his cotton wool buds did the same for you but yyou didnt leave did you. i was with my x for 19 years it took less than 1 to get over him so dont worry about the 11 year mallarky, you will start feeling better then feel worse then get better again all in a few short months. Take care and I hope you manage to live a wonderful happy life some time in the not too distant future. kind regards dawn |
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