I was raised my my Sis, a chronic list maker. Since this whole mess has started, my memory has been a sieve. I still write lists, then I forget something, then a detail gets forgotten. Today was the worst. I deep cleaned the bathroom, getting ready to paint it, then I forgot to put the OH's grooming products back, & instead put only my things back. Then I forgot the bathroom was blue, & instead I only remembered the white paint. Then I forgot all about the heating, which I know I am not supposed to use as "we" can't afford it. I feel bad, I forgot & turned it on. That bottle of wine that I

just coming out of a down spike emotionally. its always triggered by monthly hormones which seem to wash my head full of memories. just the turn of his head. trips out. Holidays. Him in the house are usually full of memories of his temper and bad black moods but we had such great times out and about. I miss that. i miss being stuck in and I miss not being able to go to all the places I want to go to. I had discussed going to Camp bestival with him 2 years ago - we decided not to go that year as i would be 8 months pregnant but we had mentally planned it in for the future - then he left.

ok, so just yell if you're sick of reading about my ongoing saga. It does help me to write it down and then reread my thoughts as well as your comments. My wife told me today that she is indeed talking with her lover again. I don't check phone records any more because I simply don't care. I asked her what she is doing and all she could say is I don't know. I can hear Patrick yelling at me "arrrrrghhh, divorce her ass now!!!". I will Patrick but I promised to give myself some time and I am going to take it. Also, the kids are doing ok in this current situation and I want to move slowly. I have