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Aug 05
2008
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I don't know if my husband will come back. It doesn't look like it at the moment but I can't believe that the man I have known inside-out for 11 years would walk out on his family when they need him most. But I have to be prepared for him not coming back as that's what he's telling me right now.
So yesterday I went to see a solicitor. He was rubbish - certainly won't use him for a divorce battle! (I wanted someone who would be outraged on my behalf!!) - but he did give me peace of mind over certain matters. I'd get to stay at home with the children, I get to say when he can see them, he would have to pay me lots of money. Scant consolation, I know, but it does make me feel slightly better! Then, last night, I met up with a friend I haven't seen for ages and we had a good catch-up. Today I've been to the gym and then spent the afternoon at hospital with my son. And do you know what? ..... I feel good!
Everything that has happened to me this year, I've felt so helpless. I've had to grieve for the son I 'lost' (or never had, ie. a healthy son) and get to grips with the reality of preparing for life with a ventilated child with a muscular condition. Then, begin the grieving process of the loss of my marriage. What I've done these past 2 days has made me feel like I'm back in the driving seat. I can't change the situation but I'm certainly not going to let it beat me!!
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madpoodle
said:
| August 05, 2008 | ||
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Well done you! Never look back, that's my moto, you have a future to plan for you and your family and looking back is a waste of valuable time and energy. The man you married and the who left you are two completely difference people. Unfortunately even if he does come back it won't be the man you want back, it'll be the imposter. Stay strong and take care. Mad x |
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marriaa
said:
| August 05, 2008 | ||
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scared,good you feel you are in the driving seat. Just would like to say -a solicitor is there to give you legal advice not sympathy,do not waste your money using them as councellor( you can get that cheaper),i was advised on here and I would like to pass that on to you too. If you want sympathy come on here we have plenty for you. look after yourself so that you will be strong to look after your children |
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mrsnomore
said:
| August 05, 2008 | ||
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Good for you. A good day to give you strength for you and your children. Its so sad when your partner turns into a stranger overnight, it takes some getting used to. But you are you, a good mother and a strong person in your own right, not defined by your husband x Take care x |
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determined
said:
| August 06, 2008 | ||
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Hi scared well done for taking back control is very liberating. agree totally with maria on the counsellor/solicitor front. dont rush at the divorce unless you have to. i went to a counsellor which made me stronger and helped me see what was best for me and my son in this process. sorry to hear about your son - i can sympathise where u are at. I remember when was son was diagnosed with an autistic speactrum disorder (although mild compared with core autism) although i waa grateful for the diagnosis u do have the thought i will never have that normal child grow up. but hey he has lots of wonderful qualities which he may not have had had he not had his condition. Just give me time to think of them mmm lol stay strong but when u need support ask for it - u do not need to do this alone. your virtual friends will always be there. well i know i will be as i am not dealing with my wiki addiction very well at the mo. determined |
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mike62
said:
| August 06, 2008 | ||
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scaredgirl, Have to agree with Maria - If your solicitor is looking after your family's best financial interests and taking a non-adversarial approach, you have a diamond. It is very early days for you and you have yet to endure the trauma of dealing with the legal aspects of separation and the incumbent division of assets. That is often a most heart-wrenching part to deal with. There are some harsh realities that you and your husband have to deal with. Although you want to think of your solicitor acting like a rottweiller on your behalf, you also need to consiider how your husband may react to that adversarial approach. What I am saying, is that there is enough stress in the whole process without a solicitor winding things up further, creating more angst than there already is. At the end of the day, despite his appalling lack of support for you, he is still the children's father and you will undoubtedly have to maintain some kind of relationship with him in the future, for the children's sake. Don't make a rod for your own back by going for the jugular right now. Stop. Take a deep breath and think about the future - your daughter's wedding - who will give her away? It's a long lifetime. Mike |
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bertie670
said:
| August 06, 2008 | ||
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Very wise words Mike. How can I translate that to my stbx? I think she needs to consider what she is doing to all the family not just her. | |
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