Today was a good day.

I still thought about why me when alone in the car to and from work but whilst at work had no time to think about me.

Now is a time when I need to offer my staff support as we are going through a restructuring and all of us are at risk of losing our jobs. Only one of my 17 boys and girls has any inkling of what is going on in my private life and then it's only I no longer wear my rings. (Haven't done for the last 3 weeks and the ring marks have faded and that makes me sad!)

On the plus side today, I think the security guard was chatting me up...... or at least cheering me

Well decided today and have booked my trip down under to visit my folks. Going next Sunday evening and will tell girls this weekend when I have them. My birthday this weekend too!

Saw my solicitor this morning and he had received a letter from stbx solicitor stating what I already knew, ex would like to sit down with me and our respective solicitors to talk about a deal. My solicitor was not impressed as I have had over 6 months of mediation already and he is writing to reject it.  I will be starting the court process next week and he now wants £1000 for this...gulp! He is hoping that this

Well it's now about ten weeks after the fact...( separation from H), and I have been having deeper feelings of vulnerability/ worry/loss/anxiety. I think this is mainly due to the fact that now the shock of it all has subsided, the other feelings just seem stronger. The other day I had overwhelming feelings of being alone and loneliness, but those have changed, and this morning I found it very hard to get motivated and started to worry again about finances and money. At least now these have lessened which is a better feeling, and at least although I was at my computer for most of this morning