I had a great evening yesterday my son was praised at school music evening I was so proud. Then ex2b sends txt to say he knew what happened last night. Be back on a downer since.Scares me to think he was there.

Been trying to think what sparked my negative mood and for so long suppose its all part of the process.

Hoping that ex2b doesnt try anything tomorrow  cos I will crack up. He cant understand y my eldest doesnt want to c him OMG wake up ! He lied and stole from him  is  that not enough.  Apparently its my fault and I have alienated him.

Going to try so hard to lift my mood tomos

Woke up this morning feeling quite empty; still the first thing to enter my head was Carl. Seems like life has little direction today but life goes on, it has to, with my  5 children and my 7 month old nephew needing my attention I tried not to dwell on things that could have been, maybe even should have been.

Mine & Carl's love for our respective children and the feelings felt for each others meant that we had to take the decision that neither of us could cope with the guilt of the prospect of hurting our children in all of this.

Not going into detail about the situation as I want to respect

Well how to start the weekend on a low, can't think three days at home are going to be great

She's finally fed back to me her demands, seem like all I'm likley to get for the 12 years of paying for every thing is 22K now I know that my seem good to some people but the clauses for me to get that is that I can't take the kids on holiday unless she says so, and she keep the house, her car, every thing in the house and £700 month CM & SM, doesn't leave me a lot and if I can get a house it won't be near my kids as a studio start at about 120K even in the current house market.

Just feel like curling