This is my first blog ever -anywhere!

Boxing Day 2006 my next door neighbours husband was killed in a car crash.

Ex and I had only lived next to them for 18 months but it was in a small group of 5 houses in the country and we got on well with them. I had became close to her even though she had certain character traits that weren't so attractive (lied about silly things all the time).

Needless to say it was tragic and friends andfamily all rallied round to support her. I work full-time and do shift work,my ex works part-time in the summer and researches and writes in the winter. My ex and the

Easter has always been an important feast in our family. Because of current circumstances we chose to do something different this year. Instead of everyone coming over to our home, my sister invited us over to hers in M/c. 2 of my 3 kids were able to make the journey to be with us. Everyone put a lot of effort into making a lovely weekend.

Why then did I spend most of yesterday battling back the tears? B*****d sent a generic text to the kids (for 2 of them, the 1st contact he had made in 3 weeks). He wanted them to know he was ok, spending time with members of his family, sorting out the

Contact with the children has resumed with my stbx and hence so has the emotional abuse.  After a few weeks of feeling safe with who I am becoming my stbx it still seems has the ability to make me feel worthless.

  At a time when I should be enjoying my children I feel like I felt all the times he told me I was nothing. That I was fat,( he frequently called me Bubbles with reference to the Little Britain character), that I wasn't a good wife or mother and constantly put me down.

This weekend has been hard, really hard. Emotionally I feeled drained, just when I thought I was able to deal with