Lost.Totally lost after feeling totally abused and having that time to think about things since he left December 06. Frightened,confused, and how could I have lived with a man I didn't really know. Maybe my recovery is to begin to believe he wasn't the person I thought he was. And not to make excuses anymore. Am starting to believe in myself again and recognise the person I was before I met him. But it's shattered dreams and I wonder is he really happy where he is now. Can't be if running up bills of 17k on having a good time. Too superficial .He has not returned to work but on sick leave.

Thanks to those who replied to 'entry 1' and so quickly.  I didn't really expect anyone to read this!

 Not much  to report today.  The builder and plumber have nearly finished refitting the bathroom, pretty galling that I won't be here to enjoy it.  Have arranged for the estate agent to give me a valuation on thursday.  His advice is that selling right now is not a good idea so will consider renting it out.  We've only been here 2  years so little equity.  Perhaps that is a good thiing but we can't afford the mortgage individually so some thing has to give.

 Spoke to the children on the phone

I haven't blogged for a few days, I have had alot going on...

Sunday I came onto wiki & poured my heart out in the chat room. About how I have been covering up the bad things up in my life, By pretending it isn't really happening :( A special thks to Fat Boy Getting Slim & the others who comforted me & gave there words of comfort, suport & advise. I have decided to write about my life on wordpad, It's going to take me ages & i'm hoping it might give me some insight why I deal with certain situtions the way I do & why i'm so unjustly harsh on myself. I doubt tht i'd blog tht as some of it is